My intention with this blog is to share my truths and to be open and honest with my thoughts and feelings...
I truly welcome your comments and feedback. I would ask you to be mindful of the fact that I am simply speaking from my heart and I would ask that people who choose to comment and join any discussions do the same.
My intent by sharing my story and reflections is to support others on their unique journey and to offer what I have learnt along the way.
I am more than happy to be challenged on anything that I might post but I would ask that you do it from a place of love as I will do with each of my blog posts....

All that leaves me to say, is that I am very much looking forward to connecting with you over the coming weeks and months.....

In love......

Friday 25 March 2011

Beauty and the Beast of the Industry...

It's been an incredibly interesting process for me writing this blog.... I am thrilled that so many of you are enjoying, relating and feeling supported by what I have written so far. It has also proved to be an incredibly cathartic process for me personally, I am connecting to myself on a deeper level. In this vain, I really would encourage you to share your thoughts with me or if you do not feel comfortable in doing this, then at least begin to keep a journal, writings of your own. There is something incredibly powerful about taking your thoughts and feelings that swim around in your head and putting pen to paper... Seeing your subconscious thoughts in black and white can have a healing quality all of their own. By writing things down we can release some of the pent up negative energy that goes around and around and around in our heads. Try it for a few days and see how you feel. Don't give yourself a hard time if you miss a day or two... its about recognising the times when it might just benefit you in ways that you may not have imagined.

One of the things that has come to light for me whilst writing this blog is how important it is for me to share one of the other subjects that I feel very passionate about and is very close to my heart. I am, therefore, opening this blog up to include the subject of beauty and what that means to us as individuals and in today's society.

I have expressed to a handful of people that my greatest desire in this world would be to turn the fashion and beauty industry on its head... Why do I feel so drawn to do this?! One, because I see how much negative energy there is within the industry and how it undermines both men and women. How as a society we are so fixated by image and what we perceive to be beautiful. That an industry can continue to be run in the same way and yet is widely recognised that it has an impact on diseases such as anorexia and bulimia. Women and men become objects used to sell. I could go on and on.... I am not saying that the industry is the only one at fault for our lack of self-esteem and self worth. However, imagine turning this multi-million pound industry on its head and using the money and its contacts and high visibility to create and support a global society that sees beauty for what it really is. Its not what we look at, or how we look, its how we feel from the inside and how we then share that with the rest of the world.

In essence, what pains me the most, is that we have completely lost sight of what it means to be beautiful and to recognise beauty in others... how many of you reading this can put your hand on your heart and state that you feel beautiful, that you are beautiful?! I suspect that the percentage is not that high and yet every single one of you and I mean, every single one of you is beautiful and has the right to feel beautiful and to never have to feel anything but. That is the simple truth.

The second reason for my desire to tackle this industry is that from a very early age I experienced first hand time and time again what it is like to be perceived to be attractive and, therefore, judged.  In my own experience it was not okay to be attractive and be quiet and shy. I was labeled precocious as a small child. Bullied at school for having male friends. I remember walking in on a conversation at the age of 15 where I was labeled as the person who was most likely to lose their virginity in the year. I must have been sleeping with the boys and smoking drugs, else why would they choose to spend their time with me. At University, I sat in my room whilst a group sat outside talking about how arrogant and up my own arse (forgive the obscenity) I was and how I thought I was something special. 
In truth, I was shy with very low self esteem and just wanted to be included. To be able to just be a part of a group of friends and not judged on any level.
Now, my story is not unusual and that is what saddens me. How quick are any of us to judge someone else?! And how often do we make that judgement based upon what someone looks like?! And where have we learned what it is to be attractive, beautiful.... we are brainwashed every day of our lives with advertisements and tv shows and glossy magazines. Is it any wonder then that we categorise and make judgements on a daily basis about people we see and whom we come into contact with?! How often do we make a judgement and later change our minds because we've got to know that person.

Take the time to notice when you make such judgements - don't beat yourself up about it. Just notice and then in the same moment, make a choice to feel differently about that person. Connect with your own beauty within and simply send love to that person. See the soul or essence of that person as beautiful and notice how this makes you feel differently. 

If we believed everyone to have a beautiful soul or spirit, everyone would simply show up that way to us. We'd no longer have a need to judge or put people in boxes. Imagine what it would be like to simply see everyone as beautiful, no matter what. For one, you would start to recognise your own beauty. The beauty of who you really are.

With love and blessings to you beautiful people,
Nikola x






Tuesday 15 March 2011

Think you need fixing.......? Think again.

One of the most common misperceptions that has been created by our society and culture and that we constantly remind ourselves of, is that as individuals we need fixing. 

In simplified terms when we are offered anti-depressants in order to relieve us of the symptoms of depression, we are led to believe that these drugs can or will in some way fix us. That's what we do and have been taught to do. We have an ailment, we go to the doctor, he fixes us. Applying a band aid to a cut is a short term fix. However, let me ask you this? Is it actually the band aid that heals the cut or is it our bodies innate ability to activate the necessary internal processes that allow the blood and nutrients of the body to heal the cut and allow the skin to regrow, that actually heals the cut? The band aid may prevent bacteria from getting into the cut and making it worse, but it does not actually do the healing. The healing is an internal process.
In the same way, anti-depressants, in my mind, are only ever a short term fix. For some people they are a short term fix that become a life-long addiction. And all this stems from the one simple fact that at some level we believe we need to be fixed or to fix ourselves in order to feel differently. In order for long-term and sustained change to take place, the healing has to come from within.


If you do nothing else, then please understand one thing in this moment. Who you are, where you are and what you are is PERFECT. You are whole in a perfectly imperfect way. If we can let go of the idea that what we are is wrong and needs fixing, and accept that we are perfect, and accept who we are - that is the key - then we can get out of our own way. When we stop resisting change, change will occur naturally. When we believe that we need fixing, we are stating that we are not perfect in some way and are resistant to any change. You only have to look at the world at the moment to recognise that change is inevitable. It will happen regardless of how we think or feel. So get out of your own way - stop resisting by believing that you need fixing - and allow yourself to change. 

The other really important thing to recognise here is that no feeling, no emotion is either good or bad, positive or negative. Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not believe that we are striving to be in a constant state of happiness or of joy, but what we are striving for is an ability to change how we are feeling in any given moment. To change our state when we choose. To feel sadness, fear, anger are all healthy emotions when we allow those emotions to flow. These emotions become unhealthy when we wallow or get stuck in them. We get stuck in them when we tell ourselves that we need fixing because something must be wrong with us. But if we did not feel sad or angry or fearful, how would we know when we felt joy or happiness or delight. Every emotion is healthy if we allow those emotions to flow.  

So, what do you need to do in order to allow your emotions to flow?! Accept yourself as the truly perfect human being that you are, let go of the need to fix or be fixed and trust that change can occur and that it will occur. 

Again, as I have stated before - I am not saying that this is a quick fix, pardon the pun. However, recognising where you are and how you can change it, will allow you to change your state in any given moment. 

So, practice letting go of the idea of needing to fix something or to be fixed. Let yourself be in the flow of the emotion. As soon as it feels stuck or as though you are wallowing, recognise it and change it. Think about how you would desire to feel instead. Go into your heart centre and draw to you the emotions that you would truly like to feel and change your state, in that very moment. Practice this as often as you need to and I promise you that change will happen. It's inevitable.

With love to the perfect being that you are,

Nikola xxx