However, no matter how much I read and absorb and question and wonder.... I am simply not drawn to it. Sharing multiple partners in an open and loving and deeply connecting way just doesn't ring my bells. And, as I say, in making no judgements, I pay no mind to people that do feel drawn to express themselves and to explore themselves in this way.
There is a piece of this that I do struggle with though and it is this.
I recently engaged in a conversation with a beautiful, enigmatic and deeply intuitive woman who was questioning her spirituality and so-called enlightened state of mind and heart because her husband desired to go off and explore with other women in a polyamorous way.
What roused my curiosity and frustration was that she was questioning her place as an "enlightened goddess" because she did not wish him or desire him to share himself with other women in any way. Least of all in the name of enlightened spirituality.
(For the record, we are all enlightened - every single one of us, right here, right now.)
Her question to me was how can I find a way of accepting that this is okay?! As though it would deepen her spiritual quest and make her a more rounded and whole being. My simple answer.... if it is not okay with you, then it is simply not okay and that is your truth. Your unique, simple truth.
By all means, broaden your mind and your horizons and question yourself and test your boundaries and comfort zones but do not do it at the cost of your divine intuition and values. Every single one of us has different values that underpin who and what we are and how we go about navigating life. I would suggest to anyone that they approach with caution something that does not feel natural and actually raises your hackles just a little. The body has a beautiful way of showing us the warning signs if we pay attention.
I also had a conversation recently with a very lovely friend of mine who does engage in tantra and the polyamory scene and I found myself wondering, for a short time, if this was the only way that I was going to release my real creativity and unlock all of my juicy feminine essence by becoming a free spirit and to engage with myself outside of monogamy.
What is really interesting is that this dialogue with myself did not last for long. There are more ways than one to release old patterns and to evoke your creativity and feminine essence. Writing, dance, poetry, singing, movement, toning, meditation to name but a few.
What was more interesting is that when I went deeper to engage with the idea... I found myself experiencing in my cells and remembering a time in days gone by (aka past lives / parallel paradigms) where I did engage in polyamory and also in ritualistic sexual acts. Remembering these experiences in some way affirmed to me that this is not my path in this lifetime.
And so a word to the curious..... engage in a full and deep dialogue with yourself before engaging in something that could be detrimental to your soul.... and do not believe for one minute that something you either engage in or not, makes you either more or less spiritual. More or less a God or Goddess. You are already enlightened, you just have to remember.
The only thing that matters is what is real and true for you.
I was simply drawn to write this blog to redress the balance in favour of monogamy!!!!
Love and blessings, always
Nikola xxx
