My intention with this blog is to share my truths and to be open and honest with my thoughts and feelings...
I truly welcome your comments and feedback. I would ask you to be mindful of the fact that I am simply speaking from my heart and I would ask that people who choose to comment and join any discussions do the same.
My intent by sharing my story and reflections is to support others on their unique journey and to offer what I have learnt along the way.
I am more than happy to be challenged on anything that I might post but I would ask that you do it from a place of love as I will do with each of my blog posts....

All that leaves me to say, is that I am very much looking forward to connecting with you over the coming weeks and months.....

In love......

Monday 4 June 2012

Lessons in Love....

"Whenever life does not give you what you think you want, know that there is something brighter, lighter and more meaningful waiting just around the corner if you simply allow the space to believe."

This is an interesting blog for me to write as I am right in the middle of a lesson at the moment. And whilst I have no desire to be back at school, I'm kinda wishing that I was learning about the last 1,000 years of the monarchy. Lessons in love can be the hardest to fathom.

As a child growing up I had incredible love and support from my parents and still do. However, as a little girl the love I craved most of all was that of my Dad. I loved him unconditionally. He was my rock, my strength. Through no fault of his own, however, he has never been able to show love. Being in the Police Force, he learned from a very early age to hide his emotions and not allow himself to show vulnerability. He is also quite a quiet man so being open and translucent with his emotions does not come easily. I found this incredibly hard to understand as a child and constantly sought his attention and love. It was only around six months ago (now in my thirties) that I recall hearing my Dad tell me he loved me for the very first time..... Years and years of brick walls around my heart came crashing down with the sound of those three words. I realised that I had never allowed another man to love me or to love another man unconditionally throughout my life....

I met someone recently who challenged me not to rebuild the wall brick by brick but to remain open and vulnerable and to give unconditionally and so I set the intent to do just that. I have been amazed at the levels of love that I have felt. It has given me patience, compassion, understanding. Above all, I have started to truly to understand how it feels to love myself. For without loving myself, I could not feel those things in their true sense.

However, as with the quote above, the fairytale has not ended the way that I may have wished it too.... the challenge is to remain in a state of love and to continue to value my own worth. As a child giving unconditional love, it felt as though that love was rejected and that at times I was abandoned even though I perceived myself to be giving everything. This was not necessarily the reality of the situation but it is how it felt to me as a little girl. The situation recently has the potential (as with all life's lessons - they come along for a reason) to render me to feel abandoned again. 

I have a choice.... to start putting the bricks back into place and create my refuge again or I can remain open, loving, vulnerable and trust. 

The Universe has a way of bringing the lessons to us that we most need to learn in order to grow as a human being... my refuge may have felt safe all these years. But that is an illusion. Not loving and not allowing love in return does not shield you from hurt or pain. In fact, it has the opposite effect and creates more pain and more hurt. I fundamentally believe that as a race we desire to love, give love and receive love above all other emotions. Not just for ourselves and for each other but for our planet. 

The Universe has gifted me the opportunity to be open, compassionate and loving in a way that I have never done before and for that I am extremely grateful. To truly feel what it means to love.... unconditionally. 

Don't misunderstand me, the situation has caused feelings of anger, hurt and confusion but these are all emotions that help me to see just what possibilities lie ahead if I simply choose to love and to be grateful. 

Therefore, I would ask you to do two things....
Take the opportunity to tell someone you love them.
When the Universe brings you a lesson, trust that it is for your own good and remain first and foremost in a state of love for yourself and watch as the challenges melt away.

With lessons and love in mind,

With love always,
Nikola x