Doing it Perfectly - the Imperfect way

In December of last year I started writing my first book and in June of this year, I had finished it... I have remarked somewhat guiltily to a few people that I found it an easy undertaking, loved every minute and have done very little in the way of editing it...

I set myself the task of launching "Unconditional" on the 10th August as this was my Nana's birthday and she holds a very unique and special place in my heart.... all I had left to complete were the meditations and the website. The project has since been sitting in a somewhat stagnant nature since that date.  What is it that has prevented me from going live with it, for sharing something that I feel deeply and passionately about?!

It's a small matter of perfection... I am a self-confessed die hard perfectionist who simply doesn't like things to be messy. Watching and noticing how other people have put their projects and their books out there in a professional and marketable way seemed like the right way forward. 

There is, however, a very valuable lesson in this for me and maybe for you too...

It is with thanks to Tara Marino of 'Elegant Femme' and her recent video blogs that I have come to a realisation today and I feel a very key and poignant moment in the life of "Unconditional".

The one thing that I have found so powerful with Tara's videos is that she is sharing her experiences in the present. She is sharing her journey with true openness and vulnerability, gifting us the truth of how she is feeling from moment to moment. Sometimes they are feelings of elation, sometimes frustration... she shares her fears and her joys. What has struck me most is that it's not about the end point. It's not about Tara reaching the end point and sharing her teachings... she is sharing a very palpably real experience and I have energetically engaged with that more than any other teacher or mentor for a long time. 


"Unconditional" is not a perfect product. It has been borne out of my experiences and what I share in the book are my own thoughts, musings and learnings on a subject that I feel very passionately about. The book is still on it's own journey so how can I market it perfectly or package it perfectly if I don't know where she might like to go on her journey. In fact I think she quite likes the idea of being a little bit 'imperfect.'


It, therefore, feels fitting for "Unconditional" to venture out into the world in a less than perfect way. 


What do I mean by that exactly? I have done some research on self-publishing, I have approached a couple of publishing houses with my manuscript. I have recorded the meditations but have yet to set the music to them. The website is partially finished. I have set up a Facebook Page (currently hidden) for when the book is launched in a 'perfect manner'.


But Im not going to do it that way.....


I am going to let "Unconditional" fly as of this evening.... and from here on in I am going to share with you the journey of getting it finished and of getting it published. I have realised that for me it is not about the end product, it is about the journey and it is about sharing that journey with you.


Over the next day or two I will be posting an introductory home made video for the book (to be made in the next day or two) and sharing the prologue and first chapter...


Who'd of thought that messy could feel so good.
 
I give you "Unconditional" in a perfectly imperfect way.......


With love and blessings always, 
Nikola xx

Not Knowing.....

It's interesting when meeting new people how we position ourselves, especially when it comes to the question, "So, what do you do?" Invariably talking about what we do for a living. 

Whilst it is partly societal conditioning to want to place labels on each other, I also think it's a question that enables us to get curious about someone, a lead into finding out what makes that person tick. 

Whilst I was working in the corporate industry, I never liked to say what I did because I didnt feel it was ever representative of me, the person underneath with very different dreams and passions. My work simply didnt reflect the creative part of my soul. When I took the plunge to leave that environment with some direction but no real feeling for what I was embarking upon, I found myself justifying myself. I was still unable to say, "this is me" clearly and concisely. 

When asked recently I simply said, "I have absolutely no idea". 

Does that feel okay?!

In complete honesty - I'm not sure. But I think so.

Three years after leaving the stability of a 9-5 job, albeit one that didn't inspire or motivate, Im still unsure as to the message I am wanting to relay or indeed even the legacy that I wish to leave behind.

I do hope to inspire others by my own learnings and my own journey. I certainly believe that gifting others by sharing our experiences can be invaluable. 

I relish the idea of my book being published and others finding their own voice and an ability to share their story. I love the idea of being on stage and commanding an audience in some capacity. I dream of having a beautiful home, my own sacred space. I am not without aspirations and desires in that sense

Do I know what my message is? No.

Do I recognise my talents and gifts? In Part.

Do I have any idea how I am going to change the difficult financial place I find myself in? Not really, no.

It is in these moments, that it feels really important to share because the illusion for many of us is that everyone else is okay. I know that on occasion this is how I feel. Everyone else knows what their gifts are even if they may not have reached the level of success that they desire. Everyone else knows the message that they are wanting to deliver even if they haven't found a way of expressing it. This is not necessarily true. 

So, when I was asked the question... "What do you do?" and my answer was, "I have absolutley no idea".... my reflection on that led to me writing this blog. 

It is vitally important that no matter where you are on your journey, that you still value who you are.

I am crying out to unleash my creative talents on the world. I simply don't know what that looks like yet and I have had to remind myself that even in those moments of frustration and not knowing... I am still valid. And so are you. 

As soon as you find yourself justifying yourself in a conversation. Stop. 

You are valid just as you are. 

That doesn't mean that you have to sit back and accept your life just as it is without wishing to change things, its simply a reminder to be grateful for where you are and what you have and know that greater things may be just around the corner.

Be grateful.

Be open. 

Be gentle.

With love and blessings, 

your partner in not knowing..... xx