Its time to make a choice.....

That gut wrenching feeling of being kicked over and over again in the stomach... despair, disillusionment, loss of will, the overwhelming childlike behaviour of crawling on your hands and knees, sobbing to the point of sheer exhaustion... shaking to the point of numbness, loss of feeling, loss of awareness... lack of caring. Anger, frustration... pleading, helpless. Alone. Frightened. 
In these moments, it feels all but impossible to lift yourself out of the all encompassing shadow that has passed your door, yet again. 


But it is possible. Anything is possible - it is just belief that stops us. And if it is possible then it can only be true that we have a choice in the moment... we have a choice to let all of the above feelings take over or to choose to step aside and watch as if observing from a different place. When we react so vehemently and we get caught up in the moment of panic and fear, we can make a decision to change the ultimate outcome. Again, I am not saying it is easy but with practice, it will get easier and easier.


The first step is to recognise and tell yourself that you have a choice. To choose to be overwhelmed or to choose to step aside and watch as if an onlooker. When we step aside and watch the episode unfold as if we are not attached to the feelings, our body does not react in the same way. Emotions create our behaviours. It is what we feel that we act upon. 


When you start to unleash the emotions that you know will take you on that slippery slope. STOP. BREATHE and make the choice to simply observe. Just notice.  Make no judgements, just notice. What happens?! If we are not acting upon the feelings by becoming the observer, then the feelings are not attached to anything and will dissipate.


If we can learn to detach from the emotions that cause us to feel depressed then we will start to stop acting upon those feelings. By default we will then cease to attract more negative energy into our space and the episodes of depression will become shorter and shorter.


I realise that this all sounds so simple. All I would ask is that you try. It is in changing the patterns of behaviour that we can start to unravel what keeps us locked into feelings of depression and negativity.


Sending you all love and support, 
With blessings,
Nikola x

Where One Man meets the World......

With this installment you might be forgiven for thinking that I am digressing from the initial intention with this blog, however, the story I wish to share with you today encompasses all that I am sharing on many different levels.

In order to see the light within ourselves, sometimes we have to look outside of ourselves and take action.... I fundamentally believe, as I have stated previously, that our own healing has to come from within. In order for our light to shine in the world we have to shine out from our hearts and our souls.  To recognise the beauty within and to radiate that out into the world.

What I am proposing today is that you allow yourself to accept the love of the world too. This will support your own innate ability to love yourself and give freely of love to others.

On March 20th, 2011 - one man invites you to share in raising the vibration of the world in a meeting of minds, hearts and intentions. To share your dreams and prayers of love and peace with the world. As you share your love with the world, so the world will share its love with you.... Today you will be able to recognise and to feel that we are all one, we are all connected.

Eddie McCann is a passionate and romantic Irishman. He has a vision. That on the 20th March 2011, when day and night are of equal length, we share in one thought and action. To send a Blue Balloon into the skies sharing our hopes and dreams for a world filled to the brim with love and peace. It is that simple. And this one simple action will light a light in you, for you will be able to feel the energy of the world resonating and giving back all that you give to it.

Join Eddie on his Facebook Page: Blue Balloon Day and share your thoughts and comments and ideas. Be a part of making this day special for every single one of us residing on this beautiful planet. On this page you will find notes on using the most environmentally friendly balloons and how to participate.  Talking to Eddie lit a spark in me, and a desire to make this a reality. Love and Peace do not cost us anything. Just a desire and an intention....

What will you do to make Blue Balloon Day a reality for you, those around you and for the World......?!

One Vision..... One Dream.... One Small Step.... A World united in Love and Peace.

With love, peace and blessings always

Nikola xx

Where Science meets Nature and Intuition.....

The information I am about to share with you is not my own - I am no Scientist. However, when I read what I am about to share with you, I intuitively knew that it had huge relevance to me and how I felt and how it would help me move forwards. Therefore, I trust that it too can help you.

I also want to say here how important intuition is when we are healing our own bodies. If we can get to a place of really listening deeply to what our bodies are telling us then we have a fighting chance of changing that which no longer serves us. I fundamentally believe that the body has the ability and capacity to be 100% healthy. Again, this will be challenging for people to read who have suffered with dis-ease throughout their lives. However, if I did not believe this, then I would not believe that we have the capacity to change anything in our lives. And yet, I believe that we have the capacity to change absolutely anything and everything we choose.

So, let me pose a question to you? How well do you know your own body? How often to do you truly listen to what it is telling you? Do you give it the love and the nurture it so deserves? It carries you and your feelings and thoughts around on a daily basis... how often do you thank it for doing so. Trust your intuition and let your body tell you what it needs, right now. 

If you are unsure, then go and spend some time outside - rain or shine. Walk barefoot on the grass. This might seem somewhat ridiculous, however, our body works in rythmn with nature. More so than perhaps most of us take the time to recognise. How often does going for a walk by the sea, or taking in the mountain air make us feel better... and if you do not have the sea or a mountain range at the bottom of your garden - find your nearest park and simply go and breathe in the air and feel the earth beneath your feet.

I digress.... so, back to the Science.

Our bodies are 70% water and in order for our bodies to operate at full capacity we need to be fully hydrated.  The majority of dis-ease in the body occurs when the body is no longer fully hydrated. We have been reading for years how important it is to take on at least 8 glasses of water a day but how many of us really understand why or make the connection between how we feel on a deep level with how hydrated we are. 

Let's take this one step further and see how this potentially relates to depression. There are four main electrolytes in the body; sodium, potassium, calcium and magnesium. These electrolytes charge the body by charging the water within our bodies and dependent upon the actual charge they are carrying, they move water in and around the body. Sodium and Calcium always partner together and their natural position is outside the cell. However, during the daytime, when the sun is dominant over the moon, we are in active mode and it is light, a significant amount of that sodium and calcium pass through the cell membrane and into the cell. The sodium displaces potassium and the calcium displaces the magnesium. During the hours of darkness, this whole process is reversed. If this process completes then you have the perfect exchange of electrolytes. These electrolytes also hold negative and positive charge and take light into and out of the cells. In a fully hydrated person, light enters the cells during daylight and leaves the cells at nightime... in perfect harmony with nature.

This process, however, becomes disrupted in a person who is not fully hydrated. In the case of depression, it is likely that the correct exchange of electrolytes and their positive and negative charge are not fully functioning at their optimum level. If light is not being absorbed back into the cells then we remain in a 'literal' state of darkness. 

We all know how much better we feel when the days are longer and we have more light, or how much better we feel when we are outside in the sun absorbing light and energy. However, this is a temporary fix for those who suffer with depression. What we absolutely need to do is to address what is happening at the absolute core of our being.... 

As always, with love and light

Nikola xx

Tipping Point.....

You may be familiar with either the book or the term, "tipping point" or even both. It generally refers to a point when the balance of something is tipped so far one way, that there is no returning to the point where you started from. At least this is my take on it.

My tipping point in relation to depression came about two years ago... it was February 2009. In an emotional exchange with my partner, at the time, he turned to face me in the car and quite simply said, "I cannot be with someone who is depressed." It was at that point that it really hit home... living under the shadow of depression, of constant negativity, was not sustainable anymore. In many ways I was quite angry with him at the time. What right did he have to attach that label to me. However, I am in essence very grateful. He reflected back to me how I felt about myself. I could no longer live with myself feeling the way that I did. And if I could not live with myself, I was not loving myself and if I was not loving myself then I was not going to be able to love another or allow them to love me. If I was not loving myself, I was not loving the world around me. With no love, what point is there?!

That tipping point came after almost a lifetime of soul searching and trying all manner of different things to lift myself. I fundamentally believed for many, many years that If were to find my purpose in life, to feel passionate about work, that this would somehow alter how I was feeling. Repetitive patterns of behaviour ensued. Attending courses, reading books, training. All of these things have broadened my knowledge, my depth of understanding, my skillset and many eureka moments have occurred along the way but ultimately I still felt the same.

I have known for far too long how it is to feel heavy in every cell of my body. To feel consumed by negative energy. I don't believe for one minute that I am a "negative person". In fact, quite the opposite. Therefore, not to be able to live accordingly is at the very least, frustrating. At worst, life stops being worth living.

However, the fundamental issue remained... If I could not feel true love and joy within and outside of myself.... everything else was immaterial. No-one can teach you how to feel joy. You have to experience it in every cell of your body. No-one can teach you how to see the world through love.... you have to experience it in every cell of your body.

And this is where I started to see a glimmer of recognition. An intuitive understanding started to emerge. If I needed to experience these emotions in every cell of my body, then I needed to change my cells. If I want to feel love and joy then my whole being needs to be able to support those feelings. I finally began to see that what I was missing was far deeper than the soul searching and looking inward that I had already done.  Far deeper but actually far simpler to understand than I had ever dreamed of.

When was your tipping point?! What has happened since then... have you reached your tipping point?! Are you ready to truly move on? Spend some time reflecting. Recognising those moments, creating those moments are key to you knowing that you are ready to change the balance in your life, for good.

Next time..... where science meets nature and intuition....

With love and light

Nikola xx

Whose fault is it anyway?!

When things start to feel out of our control, something I have felt, many many times over the years, it would seem to be easier to look for reasons outside of ourselves in order to find the answers we are seeking. 

It is no different when we are talking about depression. How much easier would it be if we could find someone or something or a situation to blame for how we are feeling? Much has been documented over the years about how depression  may well be gentic - passed on through generations, not just our immediate blood parents. I believe that in many cases there is truth in this. I certainly don't remember a time when I didn't feel the weight of despair dragging me down. I certainly believe that depression can be held in our very cells and even encoded in our DNA. 

I have two choices. I can either choose to blame genetics and even go so far as to blame my parents for suffering from depression or for being depressed when I was conceived and in the womb and remain in a victim mentality or I can choose to take responsibility.

No matter how you perceive your depression to have first taken over your life, the most important step in moving on and away from victim mentality, is to take full responsibility. Noone else can make you feel the way you do. How you feel in any given situation is up to you. This in itself can be quite challenging for people. The reason that it is challenging is that our intuitive selves know this to be true. And if this is true, then we can no longer look outside of ourselves to place the blame. We have full control over our emotions and how we choose to feel. 

When you have suffered from depression for any length of time, this is a really challenging concept to accept. I know. I still have moments when I get angry or frustrated. If I choose to stay in a state of anger then I am choosing to stay in a state of negative energy and depression. 

Instead, I choose to see depression as a gift. If I had not suffered, I would not be here writing this now from the depths of my heart wanting to share with you and support you through your own journeys.  I am here to bring light to myself and to encourage you to do the very same.

Therefore, I would ask you to take the time and share if you would care to do so, where you push responsibility onto the shoulders of others or situations that have caused you to feel depressed. Take some time to recognise when and how you do this. Give thanks for the lesson and let it go. Begin your journey by taking full responsibility for your own healing. If you can do this, then you have taken the biggest step of all......

With love and blessings.....

Nikola xx

What's in a Name....?

According to Wikipedia.... "Major Depressive Disorder, clinical depression, major depression is a mental disorder characterised by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and by loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. Major depressive disorder is a disabling condition which adversely affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits and general health. Up to 60% of people who commit suicide had depression or another mood disorder. The diagnosis of major depressive disorder is based upon the patient's self-reported experiences.... there is no laboratory test for major depression."

This statement in itself, "patient's self-reported experiences" is absolutely key to beginning to understand how and why depression comes about. Once we start to understand that all of our experiences in this lifetime are within our control, we can begin to understand that letting go of and ridding ourselves of depression, for good, is completely within our grasp. At the risk of being challenging, you have a choice. To live with it or to live without it. What do you choose? We can change our thought processes that create the patterns of depression.... more importantly we can change the way our physiology works to promote our own healing. 

Its interesting that the Government is now willing to spend £400million on offering support for depression and anxiety... they are simply fuelling the belief that depression and anxiety are now a part of modern-day living and we simply have to accept this but do the best we can to manage it. 

Don't let yourself be drawn into believing that you are simply one of the masses. Don't attach a label to yourself... "I am depressed"..... "I am a manic depressive".... the more you keep affirming this, the more your body and your mind will believe it. Most of us, in some guise or another, have come across the "Law of Attraction"..... the idea that thoughts become things.... This being true, don't you see how affirming that you have depression will keep you locked in these thoughts and you will continue to behave accordingly.

Please understand that I am not for one minute suggesting that it is as simple as just changing our thoughts but this is a part of the process and important to understand....

Over the coming weeks and months, I will be sharing with you my story and my lifelong battle to rid myself of "depression". Come with me on my journey and I promise you will be given the insights, support and love you need to turn your life around. You simply have to want to feel differently.

With love and blessings,

Nikola xx