Was there ever a time when bearing it all was a good idea... I'm not sure but I guess Im about to find out.
Why am I writing this blog?! Truthfully, largely because I know that it will be cathartic. So, why am I sharing it and not just writing it in the safety of my own journal? I read something earlier on a Facebook post that said something to the effect of how important it is to share, no matter what, because you never know who may read it or whom it may touch, or whom it may help. It could be the simplest of things from where you can source the best honey to how did I go about marketing my first book.
On the subject of Facebook; in part that is what got me started on this blog. I love this particular social networking site for the pure abundance of people and services that I am privy to on a daily basis. This particular evening, however, it has prompted this blog as I have found myself feeling, like so many times before, that everyone else seems to be flourishing whilst I am floundering. I am aware enough to know that this is not true and in no way is this blog designed to be self-indulgent. Rather, I know that there are people out there who feel the same and I hope that my words reach them and touch them. We are not alone. Not ever. We are all connected. Where you see yourself in relation to someone else is merely perception and largely illusion.
The last hour has been spent crying asking myself the same question that I feel I have been asking myself since I can remember. What is it that I am here to gift to humanity, to our Earth Mother?
Today has been spent like so many before looking for inspiration, looking for jobs, asking myself what I am passionate about. What do I love doing?! The truth is, I genuinely don't think I have found it yet. I don't think I have seen into my soul enough, to know its true mission in this lifetime. So, I wait... sometimes patiently and sometimes with days like today with impatience and frustration.
I did the exercise earlier on in the week where I gifted myself the vision of a million pounds or multiples thereof and what would I do with it?!
Most of the things I wrote down were in gifting other people money to get their projects off the ground; giving back all the money I owe with interest to people and the financial institutions (who seem to be enjoying hounding me on a daily basis). What are my ultimate dreams? I simply don't know yet.
I afforded myself two luxuries.... one, was my dream home, never having lived in my own home and the other was some new and expensive lingerie. Largely due to the fact I have an amazing new man in my life.
It is also because of this aforementioned man, that I find my levels of frustration at myself rising higher than they have been of late. I realised recently that I wanted to gift him the very best version of myself because he absolutely deserves no less and without an avenue for the love and compassion held inside of me... I am less than I know I can be and that grates.
I am extraordinarily proud of the book I have just written.... and I genuinely cannot wait to share what I have written and what others have gifted by way of their stories....
Right now, it is not enough......
I find myself in a very interesting place and I know that I am the only one who can shake myself up enough to move forwards from it... There's some sense of irony that I can't afford to partake in all the wonderful programmes that are being offered by those who are living their dreams, in some way or another.... in order to help those who are not yet there!!! And I do mean that with all the sincerity in my heart. There are some truly wonderful people doing some truly breathtaking, meaningful and life changing work. Truth is, I want to be one of them.
Not for reward or admiration.... simply because my soul yearns to be heard and to be seen.
Why am I sharing this blog? For any number of reasons. Because if one other person reads it and hears me and it prompts them to think about their life and their dreams then I hope that's a positive thing.
And maybe, just maybe by voicing where I am at, right here, right now in the present moment.... it will shift the energies around me to start working in my favour, if I am prepared to work in my own favour.
Maybe that's it. This is my mission for you tonight or whenever you read this....
Stand loud and proud and ask the Universe for whatever it is that you truly, truly desire, right here and right now. Don't hold back. It's an inordinately abundant world out there.
My ask is this: Universe, I ask you to grant me the visibility of my gifts and talents. Those that I am here to share with humanity, those that will help me to make the world just a little brighter. THANK YOU.
I would love to hear what you have asked the Universe to bring to you......
With love and blessings, always
Nikola xxx
