It was your arms that I wanted to lift me up and swing me around
It was you that I wanted to watch me when I did a twirl in the garden or fell to my knees on the gravel
It was your voice I wanted to hear when I wanted someone to be proud
It was you that I wanted to make me feel safe when the lights got turned out at night
Your little girl (aged 7)
Dear Daddy…
It is still your arms that I want to feel hold me when I want to be that little girl
It is still you that I want to watch me as I dance my way through life and stumble and fall on my way
It is still your voice that I want to hear telling me how proud you are of me and what I have achieved
It is still you that I want to support me and make me feel safe as I embark on this new and exciting venture
Your little girl (aged 40)
It has been a profound and deeply awe filled and inspiring time in my life the past few weeks and months as I embark on a project that can only be described as 'divine'. This project is supporting my work and life in ways I could not have scripted (and I have a pretty vivid imagination). There will be much more to share on this in future blogs as it grows and unfolds organically and in balance with where I am in my own life.
In my last piece of writing, I shared my vision of how I always see the feminine being supported by the masculine. In the last week, with the help of a couple of 'Angels" it became very clear that I wanted and needed the support of my father. He has always been there for me. Maybe not in the way his little girl craves but he was always there in the way he knew how. I realised this week that I had shared nothing of my 'project' with him on the pretence that he would not understand. I have felt for a long time that he does not understand me, nor my life choices, and indeed have felt something of a disappointment to him.
In order to work with women and teach about the masculine supporting the feminine, I realised that I had to heal this part of my own life and take responsibility for my feelings and thoughts around this and allow him to fully support me.
And so I drove to Dorset today to have a conversation with a man who finds it hard to be open about his feelings or talk in a candid way. I drove to Dorset today to let my Daddy know that I have always known how much he loves and that I now need his support more than ever and that I want him to be proud of me and my choices and my achievements.
It was a beautiful and simple conversation - all my perceptions of him needing to understand me and my work fell away. I talked openly about who I am and the work I am here to do and he understood in the only way that this 40 year old woman needed him to. With love and pride simply because I am his little girl.
This conversation was incredibly important for me personally and my work but also will send ripple effects across consciousness. I am asking for the feminine to allow the masculine to support once more. For women to step into their grace and for men to step into their role as container for that grace.
Truth has an incredible way of setting everyone free to be who they truly are whether there is common ground and understanding or not.
I invite you to seek to have a conversation with someone that you may be keeping at arms length in your life and yet would love to have them closer. This conversation might feel incredibly uncomfortable and yet you know will create a sense of freedom once it has been had and healing will inevitably take place. Then, you can once again take a step into the wholeness of you.
With love always
Nikola xx
