Money...... (insert your own phrase here).....

I've been wanting to write about money for a while. In fact I sat down with that very intention this morning and four hours later, the page was still blank...

It has something to do with the fact that when I write a blog I aim to write from an insightful and inspirational perspective. Even if I am in the middle of the lesson and noticing every strand of emotion and feeling every nuance - there is always something that I wish to share, a question to pose to you that might help to make things a little clearer for you, the reader, or to challenge you to engage with. 

For me to write about money, therefore, seems a little premature.. maybe even obsolete, given I have none to speak of. 

That is, apart from the £10 that I found in the middle of a deserted street right after I left the little cafe that I was sitting in this morning, whilst pondering how to write about something that I simply don't yet understand. 

I found myself looking around for the owner, the person who had unfortunately just lost a £10 note out of their trouser pocket. There was simply no-one around. My immediate thought was, "surely they will come back for it".... "where can I hand it in that they may go and ask." 

When I find a penny I smile to myself and each time I hear the saying, "find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck," I quickly put it in my purse, or pocket and feel very thankful.

Picking up the £10 note today, however, made me feel irrationally (??) guilty. I don't feel entirely comfortable with it, even now, having put it in a side pocket of my purse with the intention of keeping it to generate more money and create some kind of flow.... 

If money is an energy, a flow - does it ever really belong to us or to anyone else?! 

And if a £10 note happening upon my path can make me feel that uncomfortable, is it any wonder that the Universe is reluctant to lavish me with the sort of financial abundance I dream about and once in a while state out loud. 

It would seem that I have some work to do still around having money and guilt? Not sure I knew I had that belief until a couple of hours ago. As I sit here writing this and smiling... I am saying out loud.... "thank you for gifting me that £10 note.." I will use it as a sign that I need to delve a little deeper into those onion layers of the root causes of why for the past three years, I have had very little of my own money to be creative with, to play with, to have fun with. 

And yes, I have counted my blessings and all the gifts that not having money has given me over the last few years but maybe it is time to know that I can still be the same person and have money too!!!

My parting thought for you today is simply to notice when something 'positive' makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable... what is it trying to uncover for you? What is it showing you so beautifully about your feelings for your self? 

With love, blessings and abundance 

Nikola

ps. writing a blog about money has left me feeling 'really' uncomfortable.... time to continue exploring...

Who are you anyway?! Who decides....

When you take away every label you have ever been given or given to yourself - who are you?!

When you remove from your very being every societal norm, every educational standpoint, every religious or political framework - who are you?! When you choose to let go of judgements that you or someone else has made about you - who are you?! When you stop listening to the voices inside and outside of yourself and literally strip yourself bare, who are you?!

I would hazard a guess that one of the phrases that will come to mind for many is that we are souls having a human experience. How many of us actually stop and really contemplate this?! Indeed, this is something that forms part of my truth and is an idea that I have played around with in my heart and in my mind. I would also hazard a guess, as this was certainly true for me, is that there are many of us so caught up in finding out who that soul is, connecting in with our higher self and seeking deeper and more powerful connections with the truth of that soul that we forget to be human. We forget to play out the soul having a human experience part.

I would suggest that the two are inextricably linked and interwoven - how could they not be?! I would not be here writing this and you would not be here reading it. And yet, it seems to me, myself included that we get so caught up in 'purifying' our lives in order to be closer to 'spirit', 'god', 'creator', 'source', 'insert your own term'.... that we forget to enjoy the experience of being a crazy, mixed up human being. And enjoying the experience includes f***ing up once in while. And we forget that the two are one and the same. We are not human trying to remember and become a "Soul" a "Spiritual Being" in this lifetime. We already are. And yet it seems to me that we are continually looking for something outside of ourselves to make being human okay!!

It seems to me that in many ways the spiritual and personal development arena, in its current form, has taken over where we have left religion and dogma behind. I am paraphrasing and being a little tongue in cheek but these examples spring to mind.

"Drink this juice and you will have a greater connection to God"
"Stop eating meat and you will save the planet from itself"
"Drinking alcohol means you cannot be pure of heart"
"Buy this meditation and you'll never live through another drama again"

As I say - I am not wishing to offend or disrespect anyone, their beliefs or what they teach.  And the above are clearly not 'real' marketing or advertising strategies - I concocted them to make a point. But let me ask you this question. How often do you really stop and feel through whether what you are doing is true for you?! Are the practices that you are engaging in bringing you closer to knowing who you really are and being comfortable and at peace with all of your facets or are the practices that you take part in creating a more 'appropriate' version of you in the world?! There is a difference.

I have been playing around with the labels that I give myself, actually desiring not to have any labels at all, although this makes marketing yourself more tricky. There is something about the word 'teacher' that no longer resonates with me. I am not here to teach you anything, rather simply desiring to support you in re-connecting you to who you are. I don't want to help create a different version of you. I want you to be 'you'. It is not my place to say whether I like or dislike or engage with or feel repelled by you. I am not afraid to say that I don't necessarily like everyone I meet but I do try and allow everyone to be themselves. This is easier at times than at others. I simply want to invite you to find out who you really are, stripped of everyone else's version of how you should be, including your own thoughts on this.

To my mind great 'teachers' simply open the door and invite us to step through.

Yet we get caught up in seeking the next teacher, the next wise mind to aid us on our path of evolution. Forgetting that the most important teacher of all is with us all the time. Why is it that we are so keen to keep on giving our power away to others?! Perhaps because we were taught from a young age that elders know better, that teachers have all the answers, that parents are always right. Do our education systems in the West support children to trust their instincts and inner knowing?! Sadly, given the number of people who seek out teachers, guides, guru's.... people outside of themselves to find themselves then the answer is a resounding no.

This is simply something that I am suggesting we be very aware of.... I have come across some deeply wise and inspirational people on my journey thus far and I hope to come across many more. However, what I also choose is to meet those people on a level. Neither to put them on a pedestal and give away my power or to feel superior to them.

So, coming back to my initial question: who are you anyway?!

The one person who has the authority, wisdom, inner knowing and deep awareness of who you are is YOU. It may not always feel like that. Goodness knows I have had countless conversations with myself, with others, with the Universe asking who I am.....

We are unique, individual... crazy, beautiful soul full human beings...... we just need to remind ourselves of the fact that we know exactly who we are.... we've just forgotten and this journey is simply about remembering.... in whatever way that feels empowering to us as individuals.

So, the next time that someone suggests you drink the next green juice... ask yourself - does this feel empowering and true to me right now?!

The next time someone suggests the latest personal development convention to attend.... ask yourself - does this feel authentic and resonate with me?!

The next time someone suggests you stand on your head for three minutes.... ask yourself - am I going to feel revitalised and nourished if I do so?!

Your body, your mind... your intuition. No one knows you like you do once you really start to listen.


How would it feel to start trusting implicitly in your knowledge and awareness of 'your' self and to meet others - friends, family, colleagues, teachers from this place?! When we stand in our own true authenticity and are willing to be gently nudged from time to time to question, to become more aware then we give absolute permission for others to do the same. No judgement, just love and compassion.

Take a little time to notice when you are acting and behaving from a place of self knowledge or from a place of putting all your trust and power in others... no right or wrong - just awareness. Gently bring yourself back to yourself, to your own body and ask yourself - who am I?! And if you listen, really listen... you'll hear everything you need to know.


With love and blessings to the crazy, beautiful version of the true "You"
Nikola xx