My intention with this blog is to share my truths and to be open and honest with my thoughts and feelings...
I truly welcome your comments and feedback. I would ask you to be mindful of the fact that I am simply speaking from my heart and I would ask that people who choose to comment and join any discussions do the same.
My intent by sharing my story and reflections is to support others on their unique journey and to offer what I have learnt along the way.
I am more than happy to be challenged on anything that I might post but I would ask that you do it from a place of love as I will do with each of my blog posts....

All that leaves me to say, is that I am very much looking forward to connecting with you over the coming weeks and months.....

In love......

Tuesday 7 February 2012

Be Your Own Valentine.....

"Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before." 
~Mignon McLaughlin~ 

As Valentine's Day approaches, I find myself wondering whether I wished that I were in a relationship, not because I fear Valentine's Day approaching and not having someone to share it with.... simply that since the shops are awash with cards and chocolates and flowers and gifts, it simply gives rise to thoughts of your own relationship status. In a similar way that an approaching New Year can cause people to readdress what is going on in their lives and can motivate people to make changes, Valentine's has a way of getting us to look at love and relationships. 

The truth of the matter is that I simply choose not to be in a relationship at the moment.... at least, not with someone else. You see, right now it is more important for me to nurture the relationship I have with myself. The greater the love and compassion that I can feel for myself, the more likely I am to attract the right person into my life when the time is right. In my last blog, I used the adage, "what you resist, persists" so I am also careful not to simply resist being in a relationship because somehow it feels easier to be on my own. I have always been quite independent and appear quite strong as an individual. Therefore, it is very easy for me to resort back to this stereotype and not allow anyone else in to my world.... 

I was reminded recently that sometimes it is through being in relationships that we learn our greatest lessons, we learn how to open our hearts more, how to communicate to a greater degree and appreciate the intricacies of sharing your life with someone else. It is okay to be vulnerable and put ourselves into a place of potentially being hurt. Nothing is worth doing unless it has the potential to make you feel....

It is a dance. We can choose never to step onto the floor, choose to learn the steps and practice the dance, or throw ourselves into the dance with gay abandon.

Where are you right now with the dance of love?! Notice where you are and spend some time thinking about why you are where you are... are you happy, content, joyful or do you feel sad, resentful, unhappy or frustrated. 

If you are single and feeling lonely and desperately wishing you were with someone. Take time this February to nurture and love you. Whilst we all love the feeling of being in a relationship, this is your time to be happy, joyful and content without feeling the need to be attached to someone else. Forgive the cliche, but when you love you, love finds you....

If you are alone and happy check in that you are simply not allowing someone else in for fear of getting hurt. I am not suggesting that everyone needs to be with someone, it is more than possible for people to be content and joyful alone. However, I am challenging you to ask yourself the question. Are you truly happy alone?! If the answer is yes, great. If the answer is no, then maybe you need to open your heart a little more, allow yourself to be vulnerable and get back onto that dance floor.

If you are in a relationship and feel alone, ask yourself whether you need to love you a little more in order to feel the love of the person you are with. If we are unhappy in a relationship, it does not necessarily mean that it is over... it may simply need a little self love on each part for you both to feel able to love each other again.

Whether single or in a relationship, the feelings can be the same so take the time to check-in with yourself and notice whether you are loving you.

Whilst it is not necessary to wait for Valentine's to do this, let's use it as an excuse to give ourselves a little love and compassion. You can do this whether you are in a relationship or not... loving yourself doesn't end simply because you are with someone. If you continue to show yourself love and compassion whilst in a relationship, then it will continue to grow and to flourish and reach new heights of experience.

How will you choose to show yourself a little love this February 14th?!
Why not write yourself a love letter?! This may sound kinda strange, but to hell with it.."you're worth it". Have some fun, write a letter and send it to yourself detailing just what it is about you that you love, that you find appealing and comforting. What is it about you that simply wouldn't change, how generous or how kind you are?! If you find this exercise challenging, then even more reason to do it... Tell yourself that you love the you of you. That you love the essence of who you are. Let's face it, you get to choose the card that you would send to you.... 

What else can you do this Valentine's to make yourself feel valued and loved?!
What do you love doing? Treat yourself.
Do you need some pampering? Treat yourself.
What is your favourite food? Treat yourself.
Who do you enjoy spending your time with? Treat yourself. 
If you are alone... Treat yourself to your favourite movie and spend some truly quality time valuing you. 
What small gift would you buy? Treat yourself. 

Whatever you are doing this Valentine's, whatever you choose to do make sure that you are loving you, nurturing you, valuing you.

Be Your Own Valentine as much as someone else's.....

With love and nurturance, 
Nikola xx

On being super human......

"On being super human......"

The above statement is intended to be full of irony. I have been drawn to write a blog today for many different reasons so I will endeavor to keep it relevant and on point but you'll have to forgive me if I stray a little into different subject territories.

I read a blog post yesterday by someone who I think it is fair to say always has a very positive demeanour and works very closely with people on their development and whose time is spent supporting others to bring out the best in themselves and to see the positive in everything. His post was very heartfelt, open and honest as he spoke about the ending of his relationship. He admitted to feeling less than upbeat and was struggling to even post his video as the waves of emotion that were just under the surface, kept threatening to appear. He was having a down day. 

What struck me most was how powerful it is when people are honest and open regardless of whether they are struggling with their own emotions or not. His intent with his blog was to share that it is okay to feel less than positive and that it is also important to sit with the pain sometimes in order to learn the necessary lessons. This message is just as important as listening to someone who is full of beans and relaying a super-positive story.

There are two elements here that I really wish to pick up on. Firstly, it feels important for me to say that even those of us who place ourselves in a position of being a teacher, coach or similar and  strive to deliver a positive message as often as possible, also have down days.  Those of us who have chosen to light the way for other people on their journey's and to challenge and support others with their own development, also have days when we lose sight of what it is all about. We have days where all we want to do is cry. We get frustrated, angry, upset. We have to dip into our toolbag and dig deep to get us out of how we are feeling in that moment. 

I for one dislike the term guru which seems to get bandied around the self development field.. I personally don't feel that anyone is any more evolved or any more able to share their lessons and to teach their messages than any one else. It is simply a question of where each of us is on our journey and the paths we have chosen. What you have to share with someone else is unique and just as valid and valuable as the next person. Therefore, I feel it is critical and important for those of us in the field of development to show our vulnerable sides and to re-affirm that we are not super human. Or, another way of putting it is that if I am super human, so is every other human being on this planet. 

The second element that I want to pick up on is how important it is to sit with the pain sometimes. I am not talking about wallowing as that is another thing entirely. However, it is also important not to resist the feelings. For as the adage goes, "what we resist persists." Therefore, it is important to acknowledge the so-called negative feeling and ask ourselves what is it teaching us. What lessons have we learnt from this episode, this time in our lives? If we resist the "down" feeling and put on a brave face, the emotions are simply stored in a deeper part of our being and will re-emerge when another situation causes us to react in a similar way. If we choose to sit with the feeling and learn the lesson, we are in a position to be grateful for the lesson and let it pass. 

This brings me nicely onto the next point which is this... if you are struggling to get yourself out of the pain of the moment, that is okay. The simplest way to make yourself feel better in any situation is to practice gratitude. Be grateful that the situation has arisen for out of every struggle or every obstacle, we can learn and move forwards and be a more rounded human being. Also being grateful in the moment helps to release any negative tension that may have built up in the body. You'll know where you tend to feel tension and where you hold it. As soon as you remind yourself to be grateful for what you have, for who are you, for the little things in life.. you take yourself back to your heart and a place of love. Your body immediately forgets to hold onto the negative energy and you find yourself in a far better place to deal with whatever it is that life is throwing at you!!

So, allow yourself to be vulnerable and open as you don't know who you might be helping and supporting in doing so. We are all equal, simply on different journey's. Be careful not to put someone onto a pedestal as they will fall off it!!!
Practice sitting with the pain of a situation - being careful not to wallow or get into the drama of it. Do not resist. Allow yourself to feel it fully and it will pass with more grace and ease. 

And remember, if all else fails, be grateful.... we all have something to be grateful for....

Will love and gratitude to you for allowing me to share,
Nikola xx