So, here we are on the eve of Valentine's Day and I want to talk about Love...
Actually, I did not set out to talk about love at all..... when knowing that I wanted to share this blog post with you I had not contemplated the date until I started typing and then I realised just how timely and opportune the date was and that Love, once again, was where we would end up coming back to.
We always do. In everything. Love is there whether we see it or feel it or recognise it. It is there waiting patiently for us to allow it to show up in its fullness, even when we go out of our way to ignore it or abuse it.
Seems I've been doing a lot of ignoring and abusing over a long period of time in relation to myself. More specifically with this blog post in relation to my body. It would,however, be more apt to begin this post by calling it a machine.
If I were to ask you about the following picture.... does the body in question look healthy, as though fed in a healthy manner, probably undergoes exercise or some kind of sport?!
Chances are the body above is "healthy" on many levels and that it is kept in shape is not in question. It certainly has no disease that I am aware of in the sense of illness and yet in another sense it is deeply ill at-ease.
I have for many, many weeks now... if not months (don't let it be years), been feeling lethargic, lacking in energy and vitality, not been sleeping properly. Sure fire signs that my body is trying to tell me something.
And in my case, I took it as a sign that I was feeling sensitive to the planetary shifts and solar flares and mercury being in retrograde (well, the body is a machine, no?!!!). And so I have carried on regardless, not ceasing in my daily and weekly routine.
Weekly routine...
What does an average weekly routine look like to me?!
At least 5 trips to the gym incorporating cardiovascular and resistance training and latterly 2-3 hot yoga sessions too.
I eat healthily 85 - 90% of the time incorporating lots of fruit and vegetables and juicing and smoothies when I take the time and I allow myself to eat chocolate and drink wine (this for me personally, is a healthy sign, for now).
I don't burn the candle at both ends and have lots of time to myself for quiet space and reflection and "me" time....
So, what might you ask is wrong with the above picture.... both photographically and in my routine.
Machine or Body...
Last week I had the inordinate pleasure to spend some time with Dr Nerina Ramlakhan who asked me quite specifically about my diet and exercise and one deep and painful truth became abundantly clear. As the tears began to flow (not an unusual occurrence, if you are a regular reader of my blog and something I do deem mostly very healthy) I realised just how long I had been treating my body as a machine and not as the most exquisite and extraordinary vehicle that it is. A self-healing and thereby self-loving vehicle that I have been showing very little love towards.
Let me take you back to my weekly "regime" and add a little flavour to the description I gave you...
During my 5 gym visits a week - I will go regardless of whether I have a headache, whether I have had only 3 hours sleep, whether I have eaten or not and whether I actually feel like it or not. I will do 1.5 hours cardio even if after 30 minutes my heart is pounding and every inch of my body is screaming at me to stop. I will continue in a spin class even though I can feel physically sick at times... I will continue to do squats even though the room starts spinning and I go hot and cold....
So, to add good measure.... my 2-3 hot yoga sessions a week are done in 40 degree heat where I sweat out (toxins - yes) but also all the good stuff too.... minerals and vitamins that my body is desperately trying to hang on to because it is already depleted not to mention severely dehydrated.
So, I ask you again - how healthy is the body in that picture?!
Eating healthily - now this one was a humdinger of a realisation. I have always been aware of how I always seem to finish my meals before anyone else. I even make a point in restaurants of slowing down so that I am not embarrassingly the first one to finish, again.
And of course, the speed we eat has a real impact on our metabolism and how efficient our digestive system is. However, this was not the crux of the issue. The real sting here was that I'm a functional eater. I eat to function. Like putting coins into the electricity metre.
Don't get me wrong, I love food and at times I relish the tastes but by and large I eat to function. I eat to function that takes me to the gym. I eat healthily but it is functional. Ouch!!
And what of the quiet space and reflective time that I have created so beautifully around me... well, let's face it Facebook has a lot to answer for!!! (By the way, if you are reading this through my Facebook Page - I'm rather glad you happened to stop by).
I have an array of candles, and incense. More buddha's than a temple. A glorious and precious piece of rose quartz, fluffy cushions, white sage, Angel cards.... you get the picture. How often do you think I light the candles or notice the buddha's or pick up the quartz or draw myself an Angel card or sit on my fluffy cushions and indulge myself in quality " me" time?! Yep, you guessed it.
So, what do I do lovingly to this "machine" that carries me around 24/7. Well, very infrequently I take myself off for a massage. You know one of those massages that has you screaming out swear words you didn't even know you knew whilst they walk up and down your spine and haul you off the bed cracking every part of your spine in unison to your cries. I exaggerate (only slightly) but I am sure you are starting to see the picture.
This extraordinary body suit deserves "real" love....
That evening, after seeing Nerina, I lit all my candles and placed pink rose petals on my bed... the impact it had on me did not go unnoticed.
Today, I went for a massage and felt the prick of tears as I specifically asked Cara to give me a loving and relaxing massage... the first gift to myself of many from now on.
This blog has felt a little self indulgent and yet I know that I am not the only one who does not take time to nurture and nourish and love consciously. It is the conscious part that is so very vital. I can have a healthy looking body but on the inside it's screaming at me to slow down before it burns out.... incredibly it has kept going this long but the signs are there. It is time to wake up and consciously love my body and acknowledge all that it does for me. And it does so much more for me than even I am aware. It is time to listen intently to what my body needs for if I truly listen to my body then it serves every other part of me.... my soul, my intuition, my emotions, my mind, my creativity, my wisdom and so the list goes on.
What is your body so desperately trying to tell you?!
Conscious Loving...
So, whether you recognise the patterns above or have patterns of your own that tell a similar story of not truly loving your body then take some time this Valentine's to consciously nurture, nourish and love it.... for we only have one and it deserves to be treated with the utmost respect.
Happy Valentine's Day and deep love and respect to each and every one of your body's.
Love always,
Nikola x
