My intention with this blog is to share my truths and to be open and honest with my thoughts and feelings...
I truly welcome your comments and feedback. I would ask you to be mindful of the fact that I am simply speaking from my heart and I would ask that people who choose to comment and join any discussions do the same.
My intent by sharing my story and reflections is to support others on their unique journey and to offer what I have learnt along the way.
I am more than happy to be challenged on anything that I might post but I would ask that you do it from a place of love as I will do with each of my blog posts....

All that leaves me to say, is that I am very much looking forward to connecting with you over the coming weeks and months.....

In love......

Thursday 12 April 2012

React or laugh..... your choice.

Compelled to write a blog but what to write about....

This evening, it's all about those split second choices we make; actually to be more precise, it's about those split second reactions we make (generally towards something that we don't like) and then regret our reaction a split second later....
I am multi-talented at this particular discipline, which is not something to be proud of. Although I say this lightheartedly as like everything, noticing it is a step towards redemption.
In truth, I am writing this blog to afford myself the time not to react to something. My whole body is itching to do what I've always done. It will not afford me the outcome I desire so why react?! Because for one tiny millisecond it feels good. It feels like I am in control, which quite frankly, is clearly the one thing that I am not, if I am reacting rather than choosing to find a state of nirvana. Freedom from the reaction.

Let's break this down...
If someone or something is making you want to react in the way you always have but you know that it does not serve you - STOP! We have the freedom of that choice. I'm not saying it's always easy, especially when emotions of frustration or confusion or anger are stirred. These are always the type of emotions that we react to without thinking, without feeling what is really going on. 
For fear of repeating myself... noone else can make you feel anything without your permission. If you simply REACT, then the only person you are affecting is you. The outcome may not be obvious in that very moment, but that one reaction, cause and effect if you will, may cause a series of further reactions, so out of your control that you the lose the one thing you were hoping to happen in the first place.

This is as true of eating that chocolate bar that you are now going to feel guilty about for the next 24 hours until you can sweat it out at the gym.... (by the way, this is not my problem - at least not this evening, anyway). So, you've eaten the chocolate bar. Reacting by looking in the mirror to see exactly where it has settled is not going to change the fact that you've just eaten the chocolate bar. Choose either not to eat it or choose to eat it and enjoy it. DO NOT REACT.

The above example may have felt as though I was endevouring to be witty, whilst my tone intentionally was light, I know that this is a serious topic and issue for many people.

What about certain situations that we find ourselves in time and time again and find ourselves reacting in the same way time and time again?! Go figure, we get the same outcome time and time again. This is because we have simply allowed ourselves to react and our emotions spiral until we ultimately feel low, defeated or deflated. The majority of us will have situations like this. Think about a situation where you know full well that you simply react. Visualise it. What could you do differently in that very moment when you know you are going to start the chain reaction all over again. STOP. Make a choice. If necessary laugh at yourself. Laughter and smiling is a great leveller. It automatically affects the pattern of our breathing and releases tension in the body. 

What if its a certain someone that you are reacting to?! It could be that it is always the same person, or it may be that it's something you react to, no matter the person, because it pushes your buttons, challenges your values and beliefs. The process is the same. STOP. Notice yourself and the patterns of how you react. They will be similar because its learnt behaviour. As you go to do those things, ask yourself, why?! Who is it going to serve if you carry on? Are you going to get the desired outcome? Is it going to make you feel better (after the initial euphoric millisecond)? My suspicion is that no, it is not going to make you feel any better.

Think of it this way... when we would like something to happen, or we would like someone to say something or we desire something to be a certain way and we react rather than make a heartfelt choice.... we are in opposition to the very force that we desire. 

I must emphasise that obviously not all reactions are negative... there are a multitude of positive reactions... I am simply referring to those reactions that we KNOW do not serve us. And we know this because they don't make us smile or laugh.....

The antidote to not smiling or laughing is to do just that.... laugh or smile in the throes of your reactions and see what changes.....

With love and laughter for those split second choices....

Nikola x