My writing today was inspired after watching a video of Layla Martin.... I was mesmerised by how much she radiates.... her skin is clear, her eyes sparkle, she speaks with clarity and heart and she looks like she is having fun. One could argue that it is because she is working in the field of tantra, but it goes beyond that.... she fully inhabits her body. The light in her eyes and the clarity of her skin (which may also be good genes) is because she is in touch with her essence and it literally glows from the inside of her to the outside of her. She is not just comfortable in her skin, she has found her unique essence and is living it and breathing it and being it.
If you have read my blog before, you will know that I have used running for a long time as a form of meditation and of getting into my body. I also used it as a form of self punishment. Its hard to admit to yourself, let alone anyone else that you run because it allows you to feel less guilty about eating. Its hard to admit that every meal became about thinking about the next run so that I could burn it off. On the outside I was happy because I enjoyed being fit and how it made my body look but on the inside I was punishing myself each and every day. It has served a very genuine purpose though.
That is, up until Christmas this year when I started experiencing really bad migraines again, each and every time I ran or did any form of exercise. I was forced to stop and take a look at what was going on. Luckily I saw a fantastic acupuncturist in Brighton who took me on an inward journey to look at my childhood and the reasons the migraines began in the first place. Since then I have had to be very, very still and listen ever deeper to the messages that my body has been desperately trying to give me for some time.
If anyone saw a video I recently posted as a testimonial for Michelle Roberton after a gentle Tantra session with her they will know that I am realising that it is absolutely key for me to honour and cherish every single part of my body. I have been operating from my heart for a while... isn't that what we are told to do?! What I was not doing was also coming from my sacral centre, from my sexual centre..... the seat of my creativity. I noticed after just one session with Michelle just how much more grounded I was. My expressions and communication from my heart were less emotional and stronger. The compassion and sentiment remains the same but I was rooted in a much deeper wisdom and power.
And so I am finally relenting that I cannot operate from the top half of my body alone. I know that this is not news, but I also know that there are still many women who are not fully embodied. There are a myriad of reasons for this and each one of us has our own unique story around why we have shut down parts of our body. For some they may be in the sexual centres but unable to communicate through the heart. What I do know with absolute certainty is that to live a full and joyful life, to allow the fullness of our essence and the fullness of our expression to show up... we have to be fully in our bodies. It is always a choice but it is a choice that I am now consciously making.
This goes beyond the healthy food we eat, or the exercise we take..... being mindful of when we use these to stay out of our bodies is absolutely key. This is not about following someone else's routine or regime. This is about getting up close and personal with your own body and your own experience of life. For it is right there that all the signs are pointing to what it is they really need you to hear and to know for you, in this moment.
It is clear to me from the experience I have had this winter of needing to go deeper than ever before and from needing to be more still than I ever have been in my life, that there are some real gems for us, if we dare to listen. I simply cannot and choose not to be anywhere other than in my body and that means doing the work, choosing to stay very present to myself and my needs right now. There are parts of my body that need to be reclaimed. In order for my body to be the temple it knows itself to be, I have to honour and respect it as such and that means touching on some painful memories and experiences and working through them.
Right now I am choosing to work through them in the dance where I move, I cry, I shift energy around and I witness. I am choosing to write. I am choosing to gift myself real time with myself that might involve slowing applying coconut oil to my body as though my body were the most precious thing on earth. (Goodness knows Ive spent years slapping it on thinking I was being good to my skin).... For your body is the most precious thing on earth. Without it, you would not be here... at least not in human form.
If you desire to live life to the fullest and with the fullness of your essence and your soul housed within your temple, then you have to make it a vessel that feels safe for your soul to reside in....
Running, yoga, meditation, journalling, dancing, healthy eating are not on their own enough.... dare to go deeper to meet the true essence of who you are. Dare to love your body in its wholeness and fullness and be ready to be fully embodied. There is no quick fix but when we truly start listening the answers come effortlessly and easily.
Im looking forward to being that fully embodied vessel so that I can allow myself to receive life fully, to receive all the abundance that life is so desiring to give me.... to live so utterly from a place of love and joy.
With love and blessings, always
Nikki xx
