It's interesting when meeting new people how we position ourselves, especially when it comes to the question, "So, what do you do?" Invariably talking about what we do for a living.
Whilst it is partly societal conditioning to want to place labels on each other, I also think it's a question that enables us to get curious about someone, a lead into finding out what makes that person tick.
Whilst I was working in the corporate industry, I never liked to say what I did because I didnt feel it was ever representative of me, the person underneath with very different dreams and passions. My work simply didnt reflect the creative part of my soul. When I took the plunge to leave that environment with some direction but no real feeling for what I was embarking upon, I found myself justifying myself. I was still unable to say, "this is me" clearly and concisely.
When asked recently I simply said, "I have absolutely no idea".
Does that feel okay?!
In complete honesty - I'm not sure. But I think so.
Three years after leaving the stability of a 9-5 job, albeit one that didn't inspire or motivate, Im still unsure as to the message I am wanting to relay or indeed even the legacy that I wish to leave behind.
I do hope to inspire others by my own learnings and my own journey. I certainly believe that gifting others by sharing our experiences can be invaluable.
I relish the idea of my book being published and others finding their own voice and an ability to share their story. I love the idea of being on stage and commanding an audience in some capacity. I dream of having a beautiful home, my own sacred space. I am not without aspirations and desires in that sense
Do I know what my message is? No.
Do I recognise my talents and gifts? In Part.
Do I have any idea how I am going to change the difficult financial place I find myself in? Not really, no.
It is in these moments, that it feels really important to share because the illusion for many of us is that everyone else is okay. I know that on occasion this is how I feel. Everyone else knows what their gifts are even if they may not have reached the level of success that they desire. Everyone else knows the message that they are wanting to deliver even if they haven't found a way of expressing it. This is not necessarily true.
So, when I was asked the question... "What do you do?" and my answer was, "I have absolutley no idea".... my reflection on that led to me writing this blog.
It is vitally important that no matter where you are on your journey, that you still value who you are.
I am crying out to unleash my creative talents on the world. I simply don't know what that looks like yet and I have had to remind myself that even in those moments of frustration and not knowing... I am still valid. And so are you.
As soon as you find yourself justifying yourself in a conversation. Stop.
You are valid just as you are.
That doesn't mean that you have to sit back and accept your life just as it is without wishing to change things, its simply a reminder to be grateful for where you are and what you have and know that greater things may be just around the corner.
Be grateful.
Be open.
Be gentle.
With love and blessings,
your partner in not knowing..... xx
perhaps wanting to be anything other then a living breathing human being is the problem - the desire to be anything other then alive is the root of all anxiety...As nice as it is to experience all that modern life and technological advancements has to offer, nothing is as fulfilling as wanting nothing at all.
ReplyDeletewhy be anything?
f x
I dont wish to be anything other than I am but I am not yet experiencing an aliveness that I know intrinsically is possible... I don't want things or attachments.
DeleteI simply desire a fulfilment of all that I can be - something that has aluded me thus far.
Nx
Hi Nikki.
ReplyDeleteI'd say most people in this world feel like there is something missing, and go on searching for something that will fill the void, but the continual search to fill the internal from the external only brings suffering by the very nature of impermanence.
Even the desire to be desireless is only a more deceptive desire and to escape the trappings of this material world is again only another trap. The tricks of the mind become ever more subtle to detect as we go deeper into this. but all are shrouded in desire.
To stand and say, today i want nothing, absolutely nothing, watching the body, watching your breath, watching your being exist.. isnt this all we will ever be, and alone this is enough to bring a enormous amount of peace and fulfillment. we are all already fulfilled, just looking in the wrong direction to see it..
anyway.. im rambling... to be continued.
f x
I hear you and do to a degree, agree....
ReplyDeleteI am not searching for something to fill the void, merely wishing to release all of that which is already inside of me into the external. The internal is whole - it's simply a desire to recognise it in its entirety and let it play...
To observe existing is indeed a beautiful thing. To simply be gives rise to fulfilment, peace, balance, love etc....
It can also bring awareness of our riches, however, learning also comes about through the choices we make and the thoughts we have in each and every moment.
Learning to experience ourselves in our full beauty takes us all in differing directions... no way is the right way or the wrong way.
We are here having a human experience and the mind, heart, ego, soul all make up the whole. And we are all unique in the ways that we choose to experience ourselves and the world around us. There is no right or wrong answer.
i'm rambling more than you.
Nx