It seems to me that as no one person experiences life in the same way that no one person experiences love in the same way. And if that is so, can there really be one definitive definition.
For the past seven weeks, I have been in the most intense, amazing, frustrating, beautiful, fearful, scary, incredible relationship. It has opened up my eyes and my heart in ways that I did not know were possible and it has shaken me to the very core and essence of my being... pushing every insecurity button and given me gifts beyond my wildest imagination. The gift of letting go. The gift of listening more intently and deeply. The gift of truly understanding our unique journey's through life. The gift of sharing. The gift of intimacy both in fear of it and in embracing it fully. The gift of being supported and cherished. The gift of pain and hurt and what it is showing us should we choose to see, listen and to feel... and so many more.
My experience has and will continue to be mine and so will his; as we choose to navigate the terrain.
It has struck me more deeply than ever before that the finely woven threads that have brought us together are as fragile and as strong as a spider's web and this for me, right now, is where love resides.
Never before have I pondered love with such careful reverence... there are so many definitions from the sublime to the ridiculous, from the romantic to the deeply spiritual. Is any one definition more correct than any other?! I wonder. For if as we journey our experiences are individual then is it not our definition of it that creates the experience that we have of it.
Is it not just as ridiculous to strive for the perfection of romantic love as it is to strive to feel and understand the universal energy of Love? Or indeed just as ridiculous to not strive for either of the aforementioned. It seems to me that Love just is. It exists. I don't necessarily need some Mills and Boon definition of it nor an understanding at the level of Quantum Physics. I would simply like to choose to believe that it exists in some form or another and that I can feel and experience it as I choose. That the definition I give to Love is the experience I have of it....
If I choose to see the beauty in something.... like the amazing sunsets that we get here in the New Forest or the newborn foals finding their feet... then I see and I feel love. And for all the above and simply being here and being present here I am deeply grateful.
However, what also brings a deep and penetrative smile to my face is when I choose to see the beauty in that which is full of fear, old wounds, painful exchanges. In these moments I can now see and feel love. I am learning to be just as grateful for these experiences.
Love just is.
It exists whether we choose to believe in it or not. I don't care whether your definition of love is based on relationships or a spiritual experience of it, it simply does not matter, to my heart / mind.
Writing this has just brought to mind a conversation with a dear friend of mine. We were talking about attachment. And like many things within the world of personal development there was a time when non-attachment was the buzz word. An idea that was bandied around that we can only truly experience love through non attachment to things, to people. Don't get me wrong, practising non-attachment is a great way of finding out what matters to you and where your values lie.
However, as my friend pointed out - she is deeply attached to her children and their welfare. To state that she could have been unattached should something happen to one of them would have been a complete fallacy. Is her love any less or more because of this?! No. It just is. Her experience of love in this instance is in loving her children in the only way she knows. Her experience of love no more or less valid than anyone else's. Simply deeply meaningful to her.
Love just is.
There is a card on the windowsill that I bought for my partner six days after meeting him....
"Love is when you tell a boy you like his T shirt, then he wears it every day... (Sarah, aged 10)
I LOVE this.... the simplicity and yet profundity of it. This is her experience and it is valid. Just as valid as Dr Emoto proving that when we write the word love on a piece of paper and set an intention of loving feelings, that it can change the molecular structure of water.
And so I choose to continue to explore love in all its technicolor glory - every facet and every nuance. My experiences and the meaning I give to them is how it will show up in my life and those around me. And whilst it is not always easy I choose to experience where love shines a light on hurt and pain as well as where love shines a light on tenderness and trust.
Whichever way you choose to experience love it is your experience.... your truth. It is valid.
Go explore.....
With love and curiosity...
Nikola
xxx
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