No one can do your life as beautifully as you... no one....

I was sent these words this morning by a very dear friend and someone whom holds a very special place in my heart..... 

..... words that went deep.... that stirred profound emotions...


"I can feel the life force in you and your courageously containing and breathing

it - it is strong and beautiful..."

They underpin that which my life is resting upon at the moment.  The very foundations that shake but steadfastly refuse to be destroyed.

I have conjured up many roles and images for myself over the years and yet here I find myself without having fully embraced a single one of them – at least not for any length of time. And so I breathe, I engage, I feel deep unrest and unease amidst flurries of the most extraordinary excitement, suspense and absolute awe at that which tantalizingly dares to manifest. This has been my reality for a little while now… a tense, turbulent reality scattered with the most precious and deeply moving peace and serenity. To have created the freedom to be anyone, go anywhere, do anything, is so extraordinary in its pressures and gifts.

What if there is something to be said for divine timing?!

What if there is something to be said for creating every moment at free will?!

What if life is a beautiful and profound combination of both…..

My life, at this present moment certainly seems to fall into both those categories.

No one person gives me a harder time than I give myself over where I have got to in life or not got to – according to where I thought I would be – and no one person has the right to judge, just as I have no right to judge anyone else, not even my closest friends, family members and colleagues.

So, why did the above message and sentiment affect me so greatly today….

"I can feel the life force in you and your courageously containing and breathing it - it is strong and beautiful..."

Despite my life not outwardly looking the way I thought it might…. inwardly I am richer than I could ever dare to dream to be and I know that there is so much more to come in both regards. And yes, part of it is creating it every step of the way and part of it is breathing into and trusting the divine timing of my life.

And it seems to me as I ponder the “now” that the flow of life is different for each and every one of us. Each of our journey’s is unique… the timing, learning’s and lessons distinctive and so very special for each one of us. I have tried to force the pace of my life on more than one occasion and more than once have felt the frustration of things not happening as quickly as I would like. And so I have learnt deeply the value of patience and being “present”.

The outer stage that many in the personal development world would have me believe is waiting for me to take action and step up to has actually become the inner stage of holding my strength and integrity, truth and valour.

So, if it is perceived by you or someone else that you are not taking as much action as you could or that your life does not look quite the way you might have imagined….. if you are reading this, then I would hazard a guess that the life force in you is immeasurably strong too. Hold true to the courage of your convictions and stay with your breath for you are also so very strong and beautiful in your authenticity.

My instincts, my gut, my cells repeatedly tell me that I am exactly where I need to be…. the strength that it takes to keep believing that defies even my own logic. To hold the well of love and compassion that I have and desire to share is no easy feat…. trust me. As the tears well up, I am fit to bursting with how much I have to give and to share… my time will come. I believe that with every ounce of my being and I know, I know with absolute certainty that so will yours.

Feel your own life force within you and honor the sanctity of your own instincts and truth…. for no one else can do your life as beautifully as you….. NO ONE.

Your life… your pace…

Love and blessings, always

Nikola

I can be creative, a goddess and monogamous!!! Who knew?!

I've been reading with interest for the past few weeks the rising number of blogs and talks and messages and posts relating to polyamory. I always aim to read with interest and without judgement any topic that seems to be hitting the "spiritual" headlines. (I don't read any other headlines). On this eternal quest for furthering my intuitive wisdom and knowledge... leave no stone unturned.

However, no matter how much I read and absorb and question and wonder.... I am simply not drawn to it. Sharing multiple partners in an open and loving and deeply connecting way just doesn't ring my bells. And, as I say, in making no judgements, I pay no mind to people that do feel drawn to express themselves and to explore themselves in this way.

There is a piece of this that I do struggle with though and it is this.

I recently engaged in a conversation with a beautiful, enigmatic and deeply intuitive woman who was questioning her spirituality and so-called enlightened state of mind and heart because her husband desired to go off and explore with other women in a polyamorous way.
What roused my curiosity and frustration was that she was questioning her place as an "enlightened goddess" because she did not wish him or desire him to share himself with other women in any way. Least of all in the name of enlightened spirituality.

(For the record, we are all enlightened - every single one of us, right here, right now.)

Her question to me was how can I find a way of accepting that this is okay?! As though it would deepen her spiritual quest and make her a more rounded and whole being. My simple answer.... if it is not okay with you, then it is simply not okay and that is your truth. Your unique, simple truth.

By all means, broaden your mind and your horizons and question yourself and test your boundaries and comfort zones but do not do it at the cost of your divine intuition and values. Every single one of us has different values that underpin who and what we are and how we go about navigating life. I would suggest to anyone that they approach with caution something that does not feel natural and actually raises your hackles just a little. The body has a beautiful way of showing us the warning signs if we pay attention.

I also had a conversation recently with a very lovely friend of mine who does engage in tantra and the polyamory scene and I found myself wondering, for a short time, if this was the only way that I was going to release my real creativity and unlock all of my juicy feminine essence by becoming a free spirit and to engage with myself outside of monogamy.

What is really interesting is that this dialogue with myself did not last for long. There are more ways than one to release old patterns and to evoke your creativity and feminine essence. Writing, dance, poetry, singing, movement, toning, meditation to name but a few.
What was more interesting is that when I went deeper to engage with the idea... I found myself experiencing in my cells and remembering a time in days gone by (aka past lives / parallel paradigms) where I did engage in polyamory and also in ritualistic sexual acts. Remembering these experiences in some way affirmed to me that this is not my path in this lifetime.

And so a word to the curious..... engage in a full and deep dialogue with yourself before engaging in something that could be detrimental to your soul.... and do not believe for one minute that something you either engage in or not, makes you either more or less spiritual. More or less a God or Goddess. You are already enlightened, you just have to remember.

The only thing that matters is what is real and true for you.

I was simply drawn to write this blog to redress the balance in favour of monogamy!!!!

Love and blessings, always
Nikola xxx

Thank you to the Guy, at 15 years of age, who told me I was boring...

You see if that guy, on the train, hadn't told me I was boring at age 15... I would not have held that belief for so long and if I had not held that belief for so long, I would not have had to dig really deep for the truth. And the truth of the matter is that I'm actually a deeply interesting person, multi-faceted with a lust for learning and understanding.

Thank you to the girl in the playground at the age of 9 who came up to me whilst I was sitting quietly on my own, pulled my eyelids down and told me I was anaemic and that's why I had no friends. In digging deep I understand the power of words and how they can heal and how they can harm and so I choose to think about my words and their impact. I don't always succeed but the intent is there.

Thank you to the friend who told me that they were disappointed in me. For in the rejection of those words and in feeling that I had somehow failed as a person and as a friend, I had to dig really deep to find self acceptance and to honour my own path and choices not those belonging to someone else. 

Thank you to my Dad for not being able to say out loud that "he loves me" for in never hearing it I had to dig really deep to know that the most profound love comes from an inner knowing and an inner understanding that we are already love - we just have to remember. And in digging really deep I discovered that I did not need to hear the words, I already knew.

Thank you to the man who raped me at 19 for if he hadn't I would not have spent years disowning and disrespecting my body. I have had to dig really deep for this one. If I had not spent years disowning and disrespecting my body, I would not now be on a path of total and absolute alignment with my higher self. Total and absolute alignment with the sacredness of my body. And the total and absolute truth of the beauty and wonder that can be shared between a man and a woman. I am truly, truly grateful. 

As I write all of the above, there are tears.... tears of gratitude for the pain and the suffering for each uncomfortable moment has brought me to where I am now.

There is much on the internet and Facebook around Love and Gratitude at the moment... it seems we are being asked to be more aware and we are collectively understanding the importance of stepping into these two states. However, I urge you not to simply find solace in the words of others, in beautiful quotes or in beautiful pictures but to dig deep and find the places, the dark uncomfortable places in your life and find true gratitude for them. See how every moment that has brought you to your knees has caused you to dig deep and come through stronger, lighter, more loving, more giving... whatever the truth may be for you. And it is your truth. No-one else's. 

When you can be truly grateful for every moment that has caused you pain or heartache then life takes on a different hue... you realise that you designed it all perfectly to become the best and truest version of yourself. 

It may be that you are right in the middle of something that is testing your resolve (I know I am)... dig a little deeper... find the perfection.... dig a little deeper.... find the inner knowing.... and be deeply, deeply grateful.

In gratitude and in love, always

Nikola xx

What happens when we suppress our emotions..... ?!

When we suppress our emotions our bodies react in a way that is not helpful. And can lead to being very unhealthy.

What is happening in between the spaces of the lines of your story....?!

Feel and hear what is happening in the spaces between the lines of your story.....

You are already everything.....

"Would that I could be all that I sense I am.....
Would that I could be all that I feel I am....
Would that I could be all that I know I am.... "

"But don't you see, my dear, you already are... and so much more besides"

Could it be that what I once knew without question or feign was the truth?! Could it be that the complexity is made up of all that is so simple to understand? Is it possible that I am coming to know now what I have always known, without fear, judgment or recourse.... Can it be that the answer was here all the time, not just within me but around me and through me and every piece a part of me and beyond?

Time is illusory.... I know not when I was first born into love, born of love... a part of love but I feel its seed inside of me, growing exponentially with every breath, with every heartbeat, with every desire to be more of love, a part of love, a part of me.

To look back on the course of one's life and to be able to smile incandescently at the up's, the down's, the high's, the low's.... no need for pithy anecdotal evidence. The drama's have all been superseded by the simple and most beautiful knowledge that all of life is the most precious gift. Within each wound is the gift of grace. Within each heartache, the gift of strength and power. Within each fall, the gift of a hand, an embrace, a heartbeat.

You see, I can't know any more now than I've always known.

The simplicity in this extraordinary knowledge is peace. No more. No less.

I see me.

I truly see me. Effervescent, light, angelic. Beautiful. No need to be special. I just am. A unique expression of a world so creatively balanced on a knife edge of all that is inextricably bound within our thoughts and our deeds.

You see me. I see you.

You see me. You see you.

The most true reflection. Being to being. Heart to heart.

As I place my hand on my heart so the world is a kaleidoscope of colours of every hue. Fragmenting and bouncing back to you the essence of your own heart.  Be still. Be true.

Profoundity from simplicity. You need know nothing else. You already know all there is to know. Be open and hear the music play upon the heart strings of your own song.

The Universe is a gift to you. Be grateful, be compassionate and see your world reflected there. It matters not your role or religion.... just another fractal of the whole. A kaleidoscope of all our dreams. Be mesmerised. Remember.

With love and blessings, always
Nikola xx

Are you ready to fully experience yourself....?!

So, as I dive deeper into a more intimate relationship with myself, I am ever more aware of the need and desire to be vulnerable, to be gentle and not to judge. As I dive deeper into an unparalleled understanding of the self, my self...I am increasingly aware of being met by some extraordinary energies. Both my own and the energies around me.

By diving into my vulnerability, I am getting to know my own innate power. The ying and yang, the push and pull, the complex and the simple. Authentic and true.... 

As I dive deeper into a more intimate relationship with myself, my mind, my body, my emotions, I am ever more conscious of my desire to serve humanity. I am increasingly aware that by seeking out my own vulnerability I have discovered my own power and the way that I currently wish to work with people. I say currently as I fundamentally believe that we are all like unfinished pieces of art or sculpture. We are creative works in progress, ever changing, ever evolving. 

Through diving into the depths of every nuance of my self, deep and lasting healing has taken place. How do I know this? There is a feeling of lightness of simply knowing. An inner smiling. 

The effectiveness is in the simplicity....

The results are in response to the desire....

Are you ready to fully experience your self? Your vulnerability and your power. Are you ready to open your heart and experience more sensations in your body? To be more aware. Are you ready to begin to heal? To feel lighter, to smile more. 

If you are interested in experiencing a session to fully experience yourself then why not send me a message.

In service and in love,

Nikola xxx