It has something to do with the fact that when I write a blog I aim to write from an insightful and inspirational perspective. Even if I am in the middle of the lesson and noticing every strand of emotion and feeling every nuance - there is always something that I wish to share, a question to pose to you that might help to make things a little clearer for you, the reader, or to challenge you to engage with.
For me to write about money, therefore, seems a little premature.. maybe even obsolete, given I have none to speak of.
That is, apart from the £10 that I found in the middle of a deserted street right after I left the little cafe that I was sitting in this morning, whilst pondering how to write about something that I simply don't yet understand.
I found myself looking around for the owner, the person who had unfortunately just lost a £10 note out of their trouser pocket. There was simply no-one around. My immediate thought was, "surely they will come back for it".... "where can I hand it in that they may go and ask."
When I find a penny I smile to myself and each time I hear the saying, "find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck," I quickly put it in my purse, or pocket and feel very thankful.
Picking up the £10 note today, however, made me feel irrationally (??) guilty. I don't feel entirely comfortable with it, even now, having put it in a side pocket of my purse with the intention of keeping it to generate more money and create some kind of flow....
If money is an energy, a flow - does it ever really belong to us or to anyone else?!
And if a £10 note happening upon my path can make me feel that uncomfortable, is it any wonder that the Universe is reluctant to lavish me with the sort of financial abundance I dream about and once in a while state out loud.
It would seem that I have some work to do still around having money and guilt? Not sure I knew I had that belief until a couple of hours ago. As I sit here writing this and smiling... I am saying out loud.... "thank you for gifting me that £10 note.." I will use it as a sign that I need to delve a little deeper into those onion layers of the root causes of why for the past three years, I have had very little of my own money to be creative with, to play with, to have fun with.
And yes, I have counted my blessings and all the gifts that not having money has given me over the last few years but maybe it is time to know that I can still be the same person and have money too!!!
My parting thought for you today is simply to notice when something 'positive' makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable... what is it trying to uncover for you? What is it showing you so beautifully about your feelings for your self?
With love, blessings and abundance
Nikola
ps. writing a blog about money has left me feeling 'really' uncomfortable.... time to continue exploring...
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