The Real Deal.....

This blog post has a slightly different flavour to it as I wanted to share the 'gift' of someone else with you.
One of the things I love doing is connecting and supporting people. 
There is great reward for me in singing the 'praises' of others so to speak and in raising awareness of individuals who have moved me, made a difference in my life, or who I simply feel you need to know. 
I have the very great fortune to class this man as a very close friend and I feel inordinately privileged to be on the receiving end of his friendship and love. 

Why am I telling you about him now....?! In part, because his diary for the year is about to become immersed in travel to far and distant lands offering his guidance and healing to those in Europe, America, Japan and the Southern Hemisphere... so I want to give you the chance of catching him before he departs our shores. 

Moreover, I sense that this time for many is feeling quite confusing and overwhelming. It may simply be because it is the start of a New Year and you are wanting to make changes but not clear on how you wish that to manifest in your life. I am aware of many who are suffering physically and are struggling with their bodies not being as healthy as they would like. It could simply be that this post makes you a little curious.....

Henry Cumming is one of the most authentic and grounded people I know.... his Scottish Heritage gives him a candid, no nonsense approach to the work he does and yet, you only feel warmth and love in his presence. Most importantly for me is that he absolutely loves the work that he does and I believe that it is because of his passion for guiding and healing others that his 'gift' is so extraordinary.

I have experienced Henry's 'gift' for healing firsthand and hence my desire to write this post.

Henry is a medium and has worked with numerous spiritual churches so if your interest lies in that domain then please get in touch with me.
He is also working with a number of cancer patients. Some of the results staggering.
Henry works with broken bones, deep emotional trauma.... if you would like something fixed or your body cleared then please get in touch.

If you would like a reading to gain clarity around some deep and troublesome issues then please get in touch.

This man is the 'real deal' and more importantly... a very lovely and humble human being to go with it.

If I have intrigued you or this resonates with you then you know what to do....

Thank you all....
As always, here to serve

Sent with love and blessings..... 

Nikola xxx

Bearing it all....

Was there ever a time when bearing it all was a good idea... I'm not sure but I guess Im about to find out.

Why am I writing this blog?! Truthfully, largely because I know that it will be cathartic. So, why am I sharing it and not just writing it in the safety of my own journal? I read something earlier on a Facebook post that said something to the effect of how important it is to share, no matter what, because you never know who may read it or whom it may touch, or whom it may help. It could be the simplest of things from where you can source the best honey to how did I go about marketing my first book.

On the subject of Facebook; in part that is what got me started on this blog. I love this particular social networking site for the pure abundance of people and services that I am privy to on a daily basis. This particular evening, however, it has prompted this blog as I have found myself feeling, like so many times before, that everyone else seems to be flourishing whilst I am floundering. I am aware enough to know that this is not true and in no way is this blog designed to be self-indulgent. Rather, I know that there are people out there who feel the same and I hope that my words reach them and touch them. We are not alone. Not ever. We are all connected. Where you see yourself in relation to someone else is merely perception and largely illusion.

The last hour has been spent crying asking myself the same question that I feel I have been asking myself since I can remember. What is it that I am here to gift to humanity, to our Earth Mother? 

Today has been spent like so many before looking for inspiration, looking for jobs, asking myself what I am passionate about. What do I love doing?! The truth is, I genuinely don't think I have found it yet. I don't think I have seen into my soul enough, to know its true mission in this lifetime. So, I wait... sometimes patiently and sometimes with days like today with impatience and frustration.

I did the exercise earlier on in the week where I gifted myself the vision of a million pounds or multiples thereof and what would I do with it?!
Most of the things I wrote down were in gifting other people money to get their projects off the ground; giving back all the money I owe with interest to people and the financial institutions (who seem to be enjoying hounding me on a daily basis). What are my ultimate dreams? I simply don't know yet.

I afforded myself two luxuries.... one, was my dream home, never having lived in my own home and the other was some new and expensive lingerie. Largely due to the fact I have an amazing new man in my life. 

It is also because of this aforementioned man, that I find my levels of frustration at myself rising higher than they have been of late. I realised recently that I wanted to gift him the very best version of myself because he absolutely deserves no less and without an avenue for the love and compassion held inside of me... I am less than I know I can be and that grates.

I am extraordinarily proud of the book I have just written.... and I genuinely cannot wait to share what I have written and what others have gifted by way of their stories....

Right now, it is not enough...... 

I find myself in a very interesting place and I know that I am the only one who can shake myself up enough to move forwards from it... There's some sense of irony that I can't afford to partake in all the wonderful programmes that are being offered by those who are living their dreams, in some way or another.... in order to help those who are not yet there!!! And I do mean that with all the sincerity in my heart. There are some truly wonderful people doing some truly breathtaking, meaningful and life changing  work. Truth is, I want to be one of them. 

Not for reward or admiration.... simply because my soul yearns to be heard and to be seen.

Why am I sharing this blog? For any number of reasons. Because if one other person reads it and hears me and it prompts them to think about their life and their dreams then I hope that's a positive thing.

And maybe, just maybe by voicing where I am at, right here, right now in the present moment.... it will shift the energies around me to start working in my favour, if I am prepared to work in my own favour.

Maybe that's it. This is my mission for you tonight or whenever you read this....
Stand loud and proud and ask the Universe for whatever it is that you truly, truly desire, right here and right now. Don't hold back. It's an inordinately abundant world out there.

My ask is this: Universe, I ask you to grant me the visibility of my gifts and talents. Those that I am here to share with humanity, those that will help me to make the world just a little brighter. THANK YOU.

I would love to hear what you have asked the Universe to bring to you......

With love and blessings, always
Nikola xxx

Doing it Perfectly - the Imperfect way

In December of last year I started writing my first book and in June of this year, I had finished it... I have remarked somewhat guiltily to a few people that I found it an easy undertaking, loved every minute and have done very little in the way of editing it...

I set myself the task of launching "Unconditional" on the 10th August as this was my Nana's birthday and she holds a very unique and special place in my heart.... all I had left to complete were the meditations and the website. The project has since been sitting in a somewhat stagnant nature since that date.  What is it that has prevented me from going live with it, for sharing something that I feel deeply and passionately about?!

It's a small matter of perfection... I am a self-confessed die hard perfectionist who simply doesn't like things to be messy. Watching and noticing how other people have put their projects and their books out there in a professional and marketable way seemed like the right way forward. 

There is, however, a very valuable lesson in this for me and maybe for you too...

It is with thanks to Tara Marino of 'Elegant Femme' and her recent video blogs that I have come to a realisation today and I feel a very key and poignant moment in the life of "Unconditional".

The one thing that I have found so powerful with Tara's videos is that she is sharing her experiences in the present. She is sharing her journey with true openness and vulnerability, gifting us the truth of how she is feeling from moment to moment. Sometimes they are feelings of elation, sometimes frustration... she shares her fears and her joys. What has struck me most is that it's not about the end point. It's not about Tara reaching the end point and sharing her teachings... she is sharing a very palpably real experience and I have energetically engaged with that more than any other teacher or mentor for a long time. 


"Unconditional" is not a perfect product. It has been borne out of my experiences and what I share in the book are my own thoughts, musings and learnings on a subject that I feel very passionately about. The book is still on it's own journey so how can I market it perfectly or package it perfectly if I don't know where she might like to go on her journey. In fact I think she quite likes the idea of being a little bit 'imperfect.'


It, therefore, feels fitting for "Unconditional" to venture out into the world in a less than perfect way. 


What do I mean by that exactly? I have done some research on self-publishing, I have approached a couple of publishing houses with my manuscript. I have recorded the meditations but have yet to set the music to them. The website is partially finished. I have set up a Facebook Page (currently hidden) for when the book is launched in a 'perfect manner'.


But Im not going to do it that way.....


I am going to let "Unconditional" fly as of this evening.... and from here on in I am going to share with you the journey of getting it finished and of getting it published. I have realised that for me it is not about the end product, it is about the journey and it is about sharing that journey with you.


Over the next day or two I will be posting an introductory home made video for the book (to be made in the next day or two) and sharing the prologue and first chapter...


Who'd of thought that messy could feel so good.
 
I give you "Unconditional" in a perfectly imperfect way.......


With love and blessings always, 
Nikola xx

Not Knowing.....

It's interesting when meeting new people how we position ourselves, especially when it comes to the question, "So, what do you do?" Invariably talking about what we do for a living. 

Whilst it is partly societal conditioning to want to place labels on each other, I also think it's a question that enables us to get curious about someone, a lead into finding out what makes that person tick. 

Whilst I was working in the corporate industry, I never liked to say what I did because I didnt feel it was ever representative of me, the person underneath with very different dreams and passions. My work simply didnt reflect the creative part of my soul. When I took the plunge to leave that environment with some direction but no real feeling for what I was embarking upon, I found myself justifying myself. I was still unable to say, "this is me" clearly and concisely. 

When asked recently I simply said, "I have absolutely no idea". 

Does that feel okay?!

In complete honesty - I'm not sure. But I think so.

Three years after leaving the stability of a 9-5 job, albeit one that didn't inspire or motivate, Im still unsure as to the message I am wanting to relay or indeed even the legacy that I wish to leave behind.

I do hope to inspire others by my own learnings and my own journey. I certainly believe that gifting others by sharing our experiences can be invaluable. 

I relish the idea of my book being published and others finding their own voice and an ability to share their story. I love the idea of being on stage and commanding an audience in some capacity. I dream of having a beautiful home, my own sacred space. I am not without aspirations and desires in that sense

Do I know what my message is? No.

Do I recognise my talents and gifts? In Part.

Do I have any idea how I am going to change the difficult financial place I find myself in? Not really, no.

It is in these moments, that it feels really important to share because the illusion for many of us is that everyone else is okay. I know that on occasion this is how I feel. Everyone else knows what their gifts are even if they may not have reached the level of success that they desire. Everyone else knows the message that they are wanting to deliver even if they haven't found a way of expressing it. This is not necessarily true. 

So, when I was asked the question... "What do you do?" and my answer was, "I have absolutley no idea".... my reflection on that led to me writing this blog. 

It is vitally important that no matter where you are on your journey, that you still value who you are.

I am crying out to unleash my creative talents on the world. I simply don't know what that looks like yet and I have had to remind myself that even in those moments of frustration and not knowing... I am still valid. And so are you. 

As soon as you find yourself justifying yourself in a conversation. Stop. 

You are valid just as you are. 

That doesn't mean that you have to sit back and accept your life just as it is without wishing to change things, its simply a reminder to be grateful for where you are and what you have and know that greater things may be just around the corner.

Be grateful.

Be open. 

Be gentle.

With love and blessings, 

your partner in not knowing..... xx

Love does not have to be reciprocated for it to be true....

It feels pertinent to write this blog. As I alluded to in my last blog, I was in the middle of quite a tough "Lesson in Love" and I wanted to share the outcome as I now find myself in clear space and air and am able to see all the gifts that were bestowed upon me during the last five months.

I met someone with whom I shared an incredible connection and he gifted me the opportunity to open my heart, to be vulnerable and to truly love for the first time in my life. 

Let me try and qualify that for you...

Within those five months, I had a greater capacity to be open, patient, understanding, compassionate and loving than I have ever experienced in my life previously. What is interesting is that if I were to regail you with anecdotes of the ridiculousness of the situation, the un-truths that were told, the lack of return on my investment, I am sure many of you would question my sanity. You might label it as unrequited love or question why I would choose to give of my time, my energy, my love, when it simply could not or would not be returned.

The reason is this.... not once did I lose respect or love for myself. This man came into my life for a reason. He taught me that I could love unconditionally. I did not allow the situation to have me question my own ability to be honest or open. I did not fall back into old patterns of behaviour of feeling neglected, unworthy or abandoned. I remained in total and absolute love for myself. I made that choice. Something I have never been able to do with another person before. Don't get me wrong, at times I faltered but I knew that if I want to experience the kind of relationship I believe I can and deserve then I had to stay unconditionally in love with me.

So you see, whilst this relationship is now not destined to be as I at first may have hoped, I have not lost anything. In fact, I have gained more than I could possibly have imagined. Not least, the courage of my own convictions that I have an enormous capacity to love, be honest, to be open and to be true to me and to others.

When I meet someone who has the capacity to do the same for me, I know now that I am able to receive that love simply because I can hold that love and that space for myself. I no longer need someone to complete me or to fill the emptiness within my heart because my heart is already full. 

I would like you to spend some time thinking about your own life. Similarly, it may be in your most intimate realtionship. It may, however, be a friendship or with a family member. It may be with work colleagues. Are you being all that you can be and all that you already are in those relationships?! Are you able to love and be open and honest without fear of rejection? Is the relationship balanced? Does it bring you love without you needing to ask for it? 

It may well be that the relationship you are experiencing is simply a life lesson, as mine above. Are you able to learn it from a place of heart-centredness? With love and without judgement. It is not always easy to do as we have so many learned triggers, especially where matters of the heart are concerned. 

If you are able to stay within the lesson and remain at peace and with love for yourself until you sense the lesson has been learned, that is wonderful. If the lesson simply brings you pain or anguish or hurt, and you are unable to stay in a heart centred space then maybe you need to check in with yourself as to whether this is the most appropriate lesson for you right now. How easily are you able to see the value in what is being shown to you?! Be gentle, loving and compassionate with yourself.

What I do know, is that truly having loved.... I have created the space for someone to love me in the way I deserve. Truthfully, openly, honestly, with vulnerability and strength and with compassion and respect.

And with the biggest smile on my face, with no sense of loss or remorse, I can say to the Universe, bring it on....... BRING ON THE FIREWORKS......

Can You?!

Be the love that you wish to receive from others......

With love and fireworks,

Nikola xx

Lessons in Love....

"Whenever life does not give you what you think you want, know that there is something brighter, lighter and more meaningful waiting just around the corner if you simply allow the space to believe."

This is an interesting blog for me to write as I am right in the middle of a lesson at the moment. And whilst I have no desire to be back at school, I'm kinda wishing that I was learning about the last 1,000 years of the monarchy. Lessons in love can be the hardest to fathom.

As a child growing up I had incredible love and support from my parents and still do. However, as a little girl the love I craved most of all was that of my Dad. I loved him unconditionally. He was my rock, my strength. Through no fault of his own, however, he has never been able to show love. Being in the Police Force, he learned from a very early age to hide his emotions and not allow himself to show vulnerability. He is also quite a quiet man so being open and translucent with his emotions does not come easily. I found this incredibly hard to understand as a child and constantly sought his attention and love. It was only around six months ago (now in my thirties) that I recall hearing my Dad tell me he loved me for the very first time..... Years and years of brick walls around my heart came crashing down with the sound of those three words. I realised that I had never allowed another man to love me or to love another man unconditionally throughout my life....

I met someone recently who challenged me not to rebuild the wall brick by brick but to remain open and vulnerable and to give unconditionally and so I set the intent to do just that. I have been amazed at the levels of love that I have felt. It has given me patience, compassion, understanding. Above all, I have started to truly to understand how it feels to love myself. For without loving myself, I could not feel those things in their true sense.

However, as with the quote above, the fairytale has not ended the way that I may have wished it too.... the challenge is to remain in a state of love and to continue to value my own worth. As a child giving unconditional love, it felt as though that love was rejected and that at times I was abandoned even though I perceived myself to be giving everything. This was not necessarily the reality of the situation but it is how it felt to me as a little girl. The situation recently has the potential (as with all life's lessons - they come along for a reason) to render me to feel abandoned again. 

I have a choice.... to start putting the bricks back into place and create my refuge again or I can remain open, loving, vulnerable and trust. 

The Universe has a way of bringing the lessons to us that we most need to learn in order to grow as a human being... my refuge may have felt safe all these years. But that is an illusion. Not loving and not allowing love in return does not shield you from hurt or pain. In fact, it has the opposite effect and creates more pain and more hurt. I fundamentally believe that as a race we desire to love, give love and receive love above all other emotions. Not just for ourselves and for each other but for our planet. 

The Universe has gifted me the opportunity to be open, compassionate and loving in a way that I have never done before and for that I am extremely grateful. To truly feel what it means to love.... unconditionally. 

Don't misunderstand me, the situation has caused feelings of anger, hurt and confusion but these are all emotions that help me to see just what possibilities lie ahead if I simply choose to love and to be grateful. 

Therefore, I would ask you to do two things....

Take the opportunity to tell someone you love them.

When the Universe brings you a lesson, trust that it is for your own good and remain first and foremost in a state of love for yourself and watch as the challenges melt away.

With lessons and love in mind,

With love always,

Nikola x

React or laugh..... your choice.

Compelled to write a blog but what to write about....

This evening, it's all about those split second choices we make; actually to be more precise, it's about those split second reactions we make (generally towards something that we don't like) and then regret our reaction a split second later....

I am multi-talented at this particular discipline, which is not something to be proud of. Although I say this lightheartedly as like everything, noticing it is a step towards redemption.

In truth, I am writing this blog to afford myself the time not to react to something. My whole body is itching to do what I've always done. It will not afford me the outcome I desire so why react?! Because for one tiny millisecond it feels good. It feels like I am in control, which quite frankly, is clearly the one thing that I am not, if I am reacting rather than choosing to find a state of nirvana. Freedom from the reaction.

Let's break this down...

If someone or something is making you want to react in the way you always have but you know that it does not serve you - STOP! We have the freedom of that choice. I'm not saying it's always easy, especially when emotions of frustration or confusion or anger are stirred. These are always the type of emotions that we react to without thinking, without feeling what is really going on. 

For fear of repeating myself... noone else can make you feel anything without your permission. If you simply REACT, then the only person you are affecting is you. The outcome may not be obvious in that very moment, but that one reaction, cause and effect if you will, may cause a series of further reactions, so out of your control that you the lose the one thing you were hoping to happen in the first place.

This is as true of eating that chocolate bar that you are now going to feel guilty about for the next 24 hours until you can sweat it out at the gym.... (by the way, this is not my problem - at least not this evening, anyway). So, you've eaten the chocolate bar. Reacting by looking in the mirror to see exactly where it has settled is not going to change the fact that you've just eaten the chocolate bar. Choose either not to eat it or choose to eat it and enjoy it. DO NOT REACT.

The above example may have felt as though I was endevouring to be witty, whilst my tone intentionally was light, I know that this is a serious topic and issue for many people.

What about certain situations that we find ourselves in time and time again and find ourselves reacting in the same way time and time again?! Go figure, we get the same outcome time and time again. This is because we have simply allowed ourselves to react and our emotions spiral until we ultimately feel low, defeated or deflated. The majority of us will have situations like this. Think about a situation where you know full well that you simply react. Visualise it. What could you do differently in that very moment when you know you are going to start the chain reaction all over again. STOP. Make a choice. If necessary laugh at yourself. Laughter and smiling is a great leveller. It automatically affects the pattern of our breathing and releases tension in the body. 

What if its a certain someone that you are reacting to?! It could be that it is always the same person, or it may be that it's something you react to, no matter the person, because it pushes your buttons, challenges your values and beliefs. The process is the same. STOP. Notice yourself and the patterns of how you react. They will be similar because its learnt behaviour. As you go to do those things, ask yourself, why?! Who is it going to serve if you carry on? Are you going to get the desired outcome? Is it going to make you feel better (after the initial euphoric millisecond)? My suspicion is that no, it is not going to make you feel any better.

Think of it this way... when we would like something to happen, or we would like someone to say something or we desire something to be a certain way and we react rather than make a heartfelt choice.... we are in opposition to the very force that we desire. 

I must emphasise that obviously not all reactions are negative... there are a multitude of positive reactions... I am simply referring to those reactions that we KNOW do not serve us. And we know this because they don't make us smile or laugh.....

The antidote to not smiling or laughing is to do just that.... laugh or smile in the throes of your reactions and see what changes.....

With love and laughter for those split second choices....

Nikola x