Empowering women and a (caveat to MEN)

Empowering women to empower the world..... (with the unfailing support of men)

The word empowerment is used a lot in coaching and personal development circles and for good reason. Interestingly the dictionary definition of empowerment only touches upon what I believe its true sense is. Empowerment, for me, is about guiding another person or even an organisation to take self responsibility and find the power within themselves to become the full and majestic version of themselves. Empowerment is not about making the changes or taking the steps for someone else. To be empowered is to know thyself intimately and deeply and to act and be from that place of true authenticity. 

Just as I cannot enforce change in another even if I believe it is for their own good, and I would not want to, neither can we enforce change upon the world. We can empower the world but we cannot and should not wish to control it in order to bring about that which we so strongly desire.

I had one such teacher very recently and here I am having walked through the door embracing the unknown. What this particular teacher guided me to was a crystal clear vision of what my mission and work looks like in this moment and that is about being a Teacher of Teachers. I am being asked to work with women. And I am being asked to work with women who know that their purpose in this moment is to work with other women. To bring women together in circle. To support women in becoming fully empowered. To embrace their grace and beauty fully. To create a ripple effect across the globe.

I am being called to support women into being the full expression of who they are and who they came here to be.... and my way is quietly and gracefully.

It feels important for me to say that my own personal belief is that women need to stop fighting like men in order to see and feel the changes they wish to see in themselves and the world around them. Yes - we have incredible strength and tenacity and courage and resilience. Yet, our most potent power and one that I believe effects greater change and at a much deeper level is that of our true feminine essence. Grace.





















Most of us will have seen the above quotes a number of times.... and I do believe that there is some truth to be gleaned - though I don't believe it is by becoming both the man and woman in the world - I believe it will be by surrendering our armour and being the full expression of ourselves as the gentle but strong, loving and compassionate beings we are at heart. We will nurture the world back to health and vitality.

And herein - the other crucial piece for me and the caveat to men. We will not do this alone. We are done with a world where men are in power and we are done with a world where women are fighting to take control and be in power. We are in a world where we need to work together. Nature and life can only exist in true balance.

Whenever I have a vision of women coming together in circles - there is always a ring of men around the outside supporting. I fundamentally believe that men provide the container for us to be able to be fully present to all that we are as women. I, for one, do not wish to travel alone as an empowered woman in my personal life - I want the strength of a man to hold me. In my work with women - I desire to work with those who are open to becoming so free in their expression of themselves that they can once again, allow a man to be fully present to them. 

This blog is a call to women everywhere who are ready to be the full expression of themselves... women who want to know their grace, their purity, their truth and their beauty intimately and who want to embody those traits in their daily lives and within their communities. Women who want to share their gifts and wise counsel with women everywhere..... 

I am bringing together two groups just before Christmas. Saturday 19th December in London and Sunday 20th December in Dorset. If you would like to be one of the seven women to join me for what promises to be a beauty full and profound day then please get in touch. 

In honour of women and men... and the world.... heed the call

With love and blessings, always
Nikola xx

Relationships... Relating... Connection.... shedding the old and diving deep into the mystery.

It's a rather grey and overcast day outside and so I find myself here feeling inspired to put pen to paper after some intriguing and poignant conversations over the last few days.

After watching Lee Harris's, November forecast talking about relationships and connections, I have been and am aware of the myriad of ways that this is showing up in my life and with those close to me. Conversations that are seeking some kind of understanding and perhaps even resolution. Conversations, where I can feel both people's vulnerability and strength in equal measure. I wanted to share my understanding and experience of what, I believe, we are being asked to look at in this regard.

Lee Harris - November Forecast

In my work of bringing people on a journey 'home' to themselves, I am increasingly aware that we are being asked to be the most authentic and true versions of ourselves that we can be. What do I mean by this? In simple terms, that we take time to check in with ourselves on a daily basis whether what we are doing and saying and 'being' is true to how we are feeling in that moment. When I suggest checking in on a daily basis, this is because I very recently had the experience of having an absolute 'truth' one day and being very amused that this truth had indeed shifted by the following day.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that the area where we are most deeply challenged and most deeply rewarded, in my humble opinion, is in the area of relationships. Here, I am talking about familial relationships, relationships with a lover or partner, relationships with friends and relationships with colleagues. In fact any connection that we make with another person can be both challenging and rewarding. 

As the trees are shedding their leaves in order for a hibernation and renewal to occur before the new buds and life of spring, so we are being asked to shed the old relationships that are no longer serving us. It runs a little deeper than this for me though, as this is not a new or radical concept. What I believe we are really being asked to do right now is to shed the behaviours around our relationships that no longer serve us. Many of these behaviours will have become so ingrained that we forget to check in with ourselves as to whether this is actually how we wish to be in relation to or in connection with another. 

We most likely 'know' instinctively that something needs to change but we find ourselves repeating the same patterns and one potential reason for this is that we don't know 'how' to do it differently. What if we are not meant to know and that what we are really being asked to do is to remain in a state of not knowing and ultimately 'trusting'? What if we are being asked to dare to 'do' something very different? What if we are being asked to truly come from a place of speaking and acting from the very 'heart' of who we are? No matter how that might impact on others around us. 

As we are finding 'new' ways to be and opening up to a potentially more direct and vulnerable way of communicating - it may not always be pretty. I share this as on a couple of occasions recently, I have found myself blurting out my 'truth' in a less than graceful way. Be gentle on your selves if this too is what you experience. There appears to be an energy that is supporting us to vocalise and if we have previously found this difficult, it may just need to come out and that is okay. Learning to walk as a child was not always without a few bumps and bruises and at times a little ungainly. What feels important right now is that we are not suppressing what we feel led to say to others. With practice we can refine it and say it with a little more grace and ease. 

When we vocalise and act upon that which is old and no longer serving us so we open the space for that which is new to arrive. 

It is natural for us as human beings to want to have some security or 'label' around what a new relationship might be. What if the connections and relationships that are available to us right now are meant to be shrouded in a little mystery to allow for a deeper, more fulfilling and more creative experience. It is possible that a deeper experience of ourselves and of the other person will occur simply because we have not put any constraints around what it is or what it is meant to be. When I speak of constraints, I am talking specifically around labelling the relationship as opposed to having boundaries. It feels even more important to be aware of healthy boundaries as we all navigate the energies of this present time. What I feel strongly though is that energies are supporting us to have more deeply connected, more conscious and more fulfilling relationships. Relationships that allow all of us to show up to.

The energies are supporting us at the moment to really shift the way we 'do' and 'are' in relationship to each other. This may mean that some tricky or difficult conversations need to be had in order to 'clear' the air or indeed clear space for new relationships to come in. Whilst we do what we have always done, we will indeed get what we have always got. So get candid with your self. What is it that you currently have in relationship to someone that you no longer want? Get candid with your self. What do you really desire and want to have in your life in relationship? What connections do you truly desire to have and to make? What needs to happen in order for that to be able to become manifest. How willing are you to get into your heart and speak openly and vulnerably about what is not working for you and what is working for you and what you want more of? Yes, we get to ask for that too.

November, feels to me, to be all about open, honest, direct communication delivered from a heartfelt and authentic place. 

Nature is not shy about death and rebirth. Nature knows that in order for new life, there needs to be some form of destruction..... a falling away. When we allow this to happen - we allow the mystery of new life and new form to take place.

And so I encourage you to have those conversations you 'know' you need or want to have. 

I encourage you to get very clear with your self on how you wish to relate to your self and to others. And for many of us this will be new territory as we shed old behaviours and patterns and open up to new ways of being with our selves and with others. 

And I encourage you to stay in the mystery of new relationships and connections.... let them evolve in a natural and exciting way... and most importantly be open to them happening and coming into your life...

And know, truly know that you are being supported in whatever choices you are making. 

With love and blessings, always
Nikola 

7.325 billion of us, unique aspects of the very same thing...

Are you Unique?! Yes, you are.
Are you Special?! Yes, you are.

Are you more unique than anyone else?! No, you are not.
Are you more special than anyone else?! No, you are not.

I've just spent the weekend sat with around twenty five deeply gifted, unique and very special individuals at a workshop with the force of nature that is Jennifer Hough. Had I gone out myself and hand picked the people to spend the weekend with, I would have chosen each individual that was present. It was a very emotive and empowering weekend. 

Now let me throw out there what is really important about this.... had I gone out on Saturday morning and walked around the Streets of London randomly selecting twenty five people to share that space with, they too would have been deeply gifted, unique and very special individuals. 

One of the phrases that Jennifer uses a lot is that we are all "pieces of the puzzle of heaven on earth" expressing that in our own individual and unique ways.

In communing with me during the weekend, Jennifer told us the story of a friend of hers who had received a reading some years previously that had royally f***ed him up. How you may ask? Well, he was told in this reading that he was, and I paraphrase, an incredibly special individual. That he had extraordinary talents. That he had the most unique gifts to share with the world that were going to make a difference to humanity as we know it.

As Jennifer was relating this story to us - I was aware just how ingrained this story had become in my own being. I had heard similar, on more than one occasion. And what do you think the effects of hearing such words were to me and to this man that Jennifer was referring to. 

paralysis

pəˈralɪsɪs/

noun

1. the loss of the ability to move (and sometimes to feel anything) in part or most of the body, typically as a result of illness, poison, or injury.

   "the fast-acting venom causes paralysis, breathing difficulties, and sometimes death"

   synonyms:

   immobility, powerlessness, lack of sensation, numbness, deadness, incapacity, debilitation; More

   • inability to act or function properly.

     "the paralysis gripping the country"

     synonyms:

     shutdown, immobilization, stoppage, halt, standstill, stopping "strike leaders claimed an almost complete paralysis of the ports"

Specifically for him and for me it had perpetuated an inability to move, to create, and indeed an inability to act or function properly in the world, as we desired to do. You see my ego had become so entangled in the labels of special and unique and gifted, that I had created a superiority complex about myself. Please don't misunderstand me - I don't show up as an arrogant or overly confident, bullish person (these traits are not necessarily negative). However, I created a sub persona of superiority, largely out of fear, so that I could judge myself so harshly on doing so that I would continue to not show up in the world. Isn't it amazing what language and the meaning that we give to it can do?!

With this realisation I also became aware that in my entanglement with judging myself, I was in a self perpetuating cycle of never being able to show up because I was always going to judge myself on thinking (albeit an ego concoction) that I was somehow better than the next person. And I was going to do everything in my power to prove that I was no more special than anyone else (this was the deeper truth that I held) by not doing anything. How has that worked out for me? Not so good in many ways. (Though I also do not like to judge anything as good or bad - rather that it is an experience to learn from). Trouble is the experiencing and learning had ceased because I was in paralysis.

So, who am I?! If I am not those things, then who am I? Well, you see - I am those things. I am unique, gifted, special. The absolutely critical piece is that I am no more unique, gifted or special than any other single human being alive on this planet. It took realising that I had created the egoic construct to stop me from showing up in the world to bust through it. What beliefs are you holding about your self that may seemingly be positive traits, that are in fact holding you back?

Let me take you back to Jennifer's words... we are all a piece of the puzzle of heaven on earth. We are all a piece of divine consciousness. And so each and every one of us no matter how we show up on this planet are deeply gifted, unique and special. There is the freedom of choice within us all as to how we manifest that in our lives. We have the choice to be a butcher, baker or candlestick maker.... an international speaker, hairdresser or county court judge. No one choice is any more valid than any other. No one role in life makes us any more 'special' than the next person. Whether we choose to use the innate gifts and talents that we have does not make us superior or inferior. It just is. For we do not stop being the 'pieces of the puzzle of heaven on earth'.

You are you and I am me.
No better, no worse.

So, what is this blog really about? I guess its about many things. Its about our use of language and being aware of the effects it can have on the self and others. Its about the constructs that we create around ourselves in order to be more or less than we are. It's about love in its truest sense.

Ultimately it is a very simple post suggesting that we are all, all 7.325 billion of us, unique aspects of the very same thing... 

With love and blessings,
Nikola xx

Come on a run with me….

This morning whilst writing my morning pages, I noticed the urge within my body to get out of the house and go for a run… I had a choice to finish my pages or get up and go. I have committed to 'myself' to engage in the morning pages practice again so I completed my three pages and headed out the door…. 

Making step by step choices
Almost immediately it became apparent that though my body was keen to get out for a run my energy levels were not at their peak for a long hill run. Again, I had a choice in the moment - to push on through and probably feel slightly vitriolic or listen to my energy speaking to me and engage in a slightly shorter run, knowing that I would not feel completely replete and would be able to focus on the other things I wanted to get done during the day. 

Is it time to push on through or stand still?
As I started running up the first hill, it struck me that just a couple of days previously I had made it up the incline with very little effort and had felt like a gazelle (well, almost) and yet today it was taking every piece of willpower to place one foot in front of the other. The ground felt more uneven, the brambles more unwilling to let me pass and my body definitely feeling heavier. So in these moments, do we push on through, do we stop. I don't necessarily think there is a right or wrong answer to this - whatever we do it will gift us something in terms of experience and learning. What I do think is important in these moments is that we listen to ourselves a little more intently and a little more keenly. It may just be that there is a voice calling to us to that we are not hearing because we are over riding it with our stubbornness and willpower and strength. I might just add that I have these traits in abundance and am not saying that they are not great traits of my personality - they serve me well. (Mostly)

I did push on up the hill without stopping and my mind felt great for it. The softer side of my being that wanted to stop and lie down in a nurturing and held fashion by the Universe was sitting on my shoulder giving me that, 'hmmm…..were you really listening to yourself look?'. I have promised her that I will do just this later on today and give her the space and stillness that she deserves. 

Are you listening and hearing?
The other piece that struck me whilst I was running, aside from the fact I seem to get a lot of insights whilst running… heck I hope that doesn't mean I have to do more of it… is that whilst we are listening intently we may not always be aware of all that is going on within our bodies. And when I refer to bodies here, I am talking about the physical body, but I am also talking about the mental, emotional and spiritual bodies too. Given that I was unable to run up the hill in a gazelle like fashion this morning, it got me to thinking that there was probably a deep processing that took place in my body or bodies yesterday that I was unaware of. It feels important to share at this juncture that there are a lot of energies at play out there in the Universe, perhaps more than ever before, as others are currently sharing. We are upgrading and transmuting energies and growing at a faster rate than ever before (perhaps). Our bodies are working hard for us a lot of the time with simple tasks such as digesting our food etc but they are also working tirelessly with us on our energetic journey through life.

Perhaps now is a time to honour our bodies and what they are doing for us more than ever before even if we can't put words to everything that is occurring, we can get closer to how we are feeling if we not only listen, but hear what is being shared with us.

What is your approach to others and where is your energy body?
Anyway, I was not home yet so there was more running to do and insights to glean. On the other side of the hill and on my way back down I run through a field of cows. I'm always caught between wondering who would win in a race across the field, though I am happy to report that I have not been chased by them to date. On my last venture I was clearly more scary than them and spooked a number of them into jumping the brook to the safety of the other side of the field. This morning I chose a different approach. Before entering the field I made sure that my energy body was firmly inside of myself and let the cows know energetically that I was simply going to bypass them without disturbing or upsetting them and imagined that I could run past like a gentle whisper. Well, it seemed to work… the cows remained unaffected by my presence and whilst a couple looked up, they seemed curious rather than frightened. 

Begs the question how we approach all others in our life - where are we placing our energy and our intentions… interesting and fun to play around with. We all have very different boundaries within each of our energy bodies and knowing where they are can be key in how we relate to others. It can also be fundamental in understanding why we may affect others and how they may affect us, especially unconsciously.

How hard are your bodies working to keep you in balance?
As I made my way down the hill, nearing the home straight, I could feel myself speeding up - partly out of gravity being on my side and partly out of wanting to run faster as my uphill had felt a little slow and cumbersome (though clearly full of insights) and yet the ground still had other ideas for me. It was particularly rocky and uneven on my descent and after a couple of stumbles and wobbly ankle moments, I reluctantly slowed down, for which my energy was grateful and so was my body. Sometimes in life we simply have to slow down to speed up. If we run too fast and headlong into something we may not see all that is under our feet and may miss some of the vital learning's along the way. In slowing down - I realised just how hard my core was working to keep me in balance. Great to know that my body was working with me - if I had overridden it, it may not have been able to continue supporting me and it may have resulted in a grazed knee or twisted ankle. How hard are the different parts of you working to keep you in balance? Give them a chance to look after you. Allow integration to take place. 

You'll be pleased to know that I did allow myself to speed up along the road so that I could get back and write to you…. 

Now I give myself permission to go and have a shower.

Whatever your form of running might be - allow the insights to flow today - you might just surprise yourself.

With love and blessings, 
Nikola x

GET OUT OF YOUR MIND AND INTO YOUR LIFE..... REALLY??????

It has been a while since I have felt that impulse to write and to share a blog post.... the past year has largely been about retreating, being in nature, grounding and learning (not always successfully) to embody and feel how it is to 'be' present to both that which is around me and to myself.

I was implored to write this evening as I have just spent another four days immersed in Animal Communication Studies and delving, very consciously and lightly, into Shamanic practice. It has been yet another beautifully orchestrated few days, largely by powers outside of ourselves.....

One piece that has struck me deeply these past few days has been working with the element of Air - associated with our mind - the mental body. And what has struck me is that we are more often than not encouraged to get out of our heads and into our bodies. To get out of our head and into our hearts. To approach the world from a heart centred place. To listen to the seat of our intuition - arising from the gut or solar plexus. And I would not disagree. 

However, what I realised beyond doubt was that in an effort to do just that I have been negating my mind completely. It became clear that I have become so frustrated with my mind even being involved in my life, that at times it has felt like a dark and heavy cloud that I am carrying around with me, wishing that I could shut it off completely. In a concerted effort to get into my heart - I have considered a frontal lobotomy..... (not literally) but at times it has felt that desperate.

This weekend.... I had something of a revelation... a beautiful insight into the beauty of the mind. In thinking about it being linked to the element of Air, I realised that our minds are in fact incredibly fluid and if allowed the mind can actually create the flow between things - to be the orchestrator of the 'flow' in our lives. 

Our Elders taught us the sacredness of Air and the Beauty of our Minds

As the evening beckons, we are called to sit and share our stories, with the Elders and Medicine men and women of our Tribe. Called to share our mysteries with those able to hear and willing to listen. As we recall our tales of the element of Air, there is a palpable sacredness to the words that we use; a magic to the energy that emits from our beings.  For as we gather in ceremonial storytelling, we are aware that we speak not only for ourselves but give voice to the elements of water, earth, air and fire.

My story this evening is how the sacred element of Air gave rise to my mind feeling fluid and free. 

Earlier on that morning I had sat in serenity and sovereignty on the prairie listening to the breeze and awakening my senses and my imagination. As I chanced to look up an Eagle was soaring high above me. The majesty of its wings and presence felt through the reverberations of the air that passed between it and me. My mind able to grasp the deliciousness of the experience by allowing it to permeate my very being. 

I marvelled with my mind that Air is the flow between all things, it fills each space, just as my mind has an ability to flow, if I allow it, between the space of all thoughts, sensations and experiences.

I walked into a nearby glade, and closed my eyes, as I listened to the air making music between the branches and the leaves on the trees. My mind able to create sweet music or a more harmful discordant noise. Like the Air, the choice to move in any direction, to settle or to move freely along. No judgement, just an awareness of everything that it touches. A beautiful play of interconnectedness, just as the air moved through the long grasses on the prairie earlier that day. 

In my imagination I had encountered fallen trees knowing, like my mind, that it has the capacity to lift you up and to soar with the eagle, or to destroy and lay bereft and bare, awaiting the natural cycle of all to take place. With its coolness and warmth the air has its own beautiful balance and free flow - and so too, our minds.

The Elders smiled in acquiescence when I spoke of the power of the mind to create and to destroy, to free flow or to falter, but that there is always a beautiful balance to be found - you just have to want to feel it and to know it. Our minds, like air, perhaps the least tangible force of nature but a force to be reckoned with and held sacred within the entirety of our human being-ness.  

GET OUT OF  YOUR MIND AND INTO YOUR LIFE

PLEASE stop asking me to negate my mind completely. Yes, at times, there is a stillness or a quietening that may be required. Just as there is a beautiful balance when my mind becomes fired up with ideas and creativity and can deliver in words or orchestrate actions for my passion. 

My mind is as exquisite and a delicious a part of me as my heart and soul and limbs and all my other organs.... it is a part of the whole of ME. 

Let your mind free to be what it wants to be.... let it be fluid, let it soar with eagle, let it free fall, let it be the space between all things.... honour it, respect it, love it and it will do the very same for you in return.

With love and blessings,

Nikola

News Flash: Studying Physics for Twenty Five Years doesn't necessarily make you good at French

News Flash: 

Studying Physics for Twenty Five Years doesn't necessarily make you good at French

The above statement could be seen to be stating the blindingly obvious. In fact, it probably is.
So, at what point did I think that a lifelong quest into understanding myself, in becoming more self aware, in observing myself, life and other people, did I think that I had everything I needed to make a relationship work.

I assumed (ass - out of - u and me) that by 'knowing' myself to the level that I do, being as conscious as I am (relative to me) and by striking out quite openly on a spiritual journey into the known and un-known that I would have every tool in the book and the necessary self awareness to make a relationship 'work'.

Major Faux Pas.

This blog has come about after I listened gratefully to a 'Simon on the Sofa interview with Todd Acamesis' this morning and a piece that Todd shared very candidly and openly is that despite his years of experience and exploration into the fields of Lucid Dreaming and Out of Body Experience's when it came to his relationship - all their old patterns were showing themselves, arguments were rife and intense, and wounding's were bared. No amount of Spiritual Journeying had prepared him for what it takes to make a relationship 'work'.

Lightbulb Moment.

I may have spent what feels like my entire lifetime observing life and people. I may have journeyed to the depths of grief and sorrow and my own pain and wounding's in order to heal and to 'know' myself more intimately. I may have a certain level of self awareness and an intuitive understanding and 'knowing' of energies and the Universe, to some degree, but when it comes down to relationships I have been left floundering time and time again.

Truth is and this isn't necessarily easy to share: I have been unable to sustain a relationship beyond 2 years and those 2 years haven't exactly been bubbles and bliss.

So, what happens when I get into relationship?!
Deep breath - I'm not sure that I ever have - at least not until recently.

I've shared in a blog before about a coaching call that I had a few years back with the beautiful Lisa Blackman in the States. At the time I was very much on the path of understanding "love yourself first before you can love someone else". And whilst I think there is an element of 'truth' in this.... here's a question for you... 'how do you know how much you love yourself' if you are not willing to share that 'self' with someone else? And more importantly, what do you do when you realise that, that person is hi lighting aspects of you that you don't actually love.... of course, you leave?!!! Or at least I did. Time and time again. I got so used to walking away that I started running before I had even opened the door. I got so used to running that I decided the only option was to be 'single' until I could love myself wholly and utterly.

And this is where I remember so clearly what Lisa said to me on that call.... 'how can you possibly learn to love yourself fully' if you don't interact with others and have relationships with others.

And guess what - the mantra in all of my relationships, be they two months or two years, became "you can't keep running away". But I could and I did... because I simply hadn't spent any time understanding myself within relationship to an-other.
Sure, I'd spent hours pouring through books, attending workshops, listening to online calls, had personal coaching, studied numerous methodologies - all in relation to understanding my self, getting to know me, what makes me tick, my passions, my purpose but what of... how do I relate to someone else in an intimate way? What of learning how to communicate? What of listening and hearing someone else's needs and desires? What of seeing the un-met person in another? What of hearing their soul's calling? What of meeting their Inner Child?
It takes two to Tango. The dance I was doing became very lonely. At times utterly 'divine' and enlightening but lonely. It is all very well dancing as though no-one is watching but sometimes you want someone to be doing just that.

And as I type this I realise how utterly 'selfish' it made me. Don't get me wrong, I do actually really like the person I have become and I love my 'awareness' and the fact that largely I trust my intuition and all the amazing people I have met on my journey. I am also aware of the impact that I have had on others during that time, with my sensitivity, ability to heal and to simply care from a loving and compassionate place but when it comes to relationship, I am selfish.

Selfish because in all of my relationships aside from my last.... I have not been 'present'. I have been an observer. Observing myself and how I function - more often - don't function within that relationship. Selfish because I have consistently wondered what it is that I am doing wrong?! What is it that I have not yet learnt about myself, or healed about myself that I cannot be in relation to another. That may not sound selfish but actually it really is. I'm smiling because I know this to be true. Everyone wants to get it wrong once in a while to remember that they are human. Everyone needs to get it wrong once in a while to know that they are not being judged. Why should it be all about me doing the healing, the learning? Surely there are two people in a relationship striving to create balance, not just me doing my own personal 'healing' work. Of course both parties need to be conscious enough for this to happen but I simply wasn't giving anyone the chance.

At the risk of sounding like I am giving myself an inordinately hard time. It is important for me to say and to remember that a very big part of who I am intrinsically is all about learning and constantly striving to understand emotional depths so this will always be a part of my make-up. It is a very big part of the foundation of my passion and purpose. I'd just like that 'process' to include someone else.

In all the years of study and self analysis - I've never allowed myself to study relationships.  And why do I say, allow.. because I believe that the best possible way of learning anything is by experience. Experience allows us to feel something and to get to know something at a much deeper level than any book or teacher can do. At least that is my humble opinion.

So, my question to you is.... what have you never studied or allowed yourself to experience deeply and fully?! More importantly, what have you never studied or allowed yourself to experience deeply and fully because you felt you already had all the tools you needed?!

For my part.... no more 'running' and I intend to fully embrace the experience in a conscious way with love and compassion in my heart 'knowing' that it is likely to be a bumpy ride..... because 30 or so years of self - development hasn't prepared me for being in a relationship with someone other than me.

With love and blessings, always
Nikola xxx

Money...... (insert your own phrase here).....

I've been wanting to write about money for a while. In fact I sat down with that very intention this morning and four hours later, the page was still blank...

It has something to do with the fact that when I write a blog I aim to write from an insightful and inspirational perspective. Even if I am in the middle of the lesson and noticing every strand of emotion and feeling every nuance - there is always something that I wish to share, a question to pose to you that might help to make things a little clearer for you, the reader, or to challenge you to engage with. 

For me to write about money, therefore, seems a little premature.. maybe even obsolete, given I have none to speak of. 

That is, apart from the £10 that I found in the middle of a deserted street right after I left the little cafe that I was sitting in this morning, whilst pondering how to write about something that I simply don't yet understand. 

I found myself looking around for the owner, the person who had unfortunately just lost a £10 note out of their trouser pocket. There was simply no-one around. My immediate thought was, "surely they will come back for it".... "where can I hand it in that they may go and ask." 

When I find a penny I smile to myself and each time I hear the saying, "find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck," I quickly put it in my purse, or pocket and feel very thankful.

Picking up the £10 note today, however, made me feel irrationally (??) guilty. I don't feel entirely comfortable with it, even now, having put it in a side pocket of my purse with the intention of keeping it to generate more money and create some kind of flow.... 

If money is an energy, a flow - does it ever really belong to us or to anyone else?! 

And if a £10 note happening upon my path can make me feel that uncomfortable, is it any wonder that the Universe is reluctant to lavish me with the sort of financial abundance I dream about and once in a while state out loud. 

It would seem that I have some work to do still around having money and guilt? Not sure I knew I had that belief until a couple of hours ago. As I sit here writing this and smiling... I am saying out loud.... "thank you for gifting me that £10 note.." I will use it as a sign that I need to delve a little deeper into those onion layers of the root causes of why for the past three years, I have had very little of my own money to be creative with, to play with, to have fun with. 

And yes, I have counted my blessings and all the gifts that not having money has given me over the last few years but maybe it is time to know that I can still be the same person and have money too!!!

My parting thought for you today is simply to notice when something 'positive' makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable... what is it trying to uncover for you? What is it showing you so beautifully about your feelings for your self? 

With love, blessings and abundance 

Nikola

ps. writing a blog about money has left me feeling 'really' uncomfortable.... time to continue exploring...