DRIFT.... the Dance and the art of Flow following the Referendum

Sunday morning, I was taken to a Movement Medicine class by my dear friend Sophie. There has been much resistance in me to dance again as an adult. I always knew myself as a dancer when I was growing up.... and then I stopped. 

There are many reasons for this but suffice to say that going along to this class felt timely and necessary and a beautiful gift to my body and, therefore, there was resistance. The irony of resisting that which is good for us. Or perhaps the knowledge runs deeper, we know that it is going to open up a part of ourselves that we may, or may not be ready to come face to face with. 

The space and dance was held beautifully by Sjanie in Worthing.

We began the dance by choosing a power card..... "DRIFT"

I was somewhat curious about this card and this was not a word or a sentiment that I use or have come across very often. My initial thought process took me to driftwood, something that my Nana used frequently in her flower arranging. It also had initial negative connotations. Being a drifter feels without direction and certainly without action. Perhaps it was time to understand that drifting can indeed be a powerful action. This was not for me to think through - I was to here to dance and to embody, 'Drift'. The dance was there to take me on the journey into what Drift would mean for me.

As the dance unfolded over the course of the two hours - it became very clear and the reason for sharing it in a blog is that it feels aligned with what is happening externally in the world right now with the impact of the Referendum on our states of equilibrium.

As I began to dance I was immediately taken out to the ocean and found myself imagining that I was riding the crest of the wave... how would it feel to be that wave?! What I realised through the dance is that sometimes we have to go right out to sea, to the very depths of the ocean to begin to truly know something, to see something or to feel something. At other times we are in the shallower waters, and it is necessary for us to see the more minute detail and to feel the stones beneath us. 

To DRIFT with the tidal waves was to allow the water to hold me and whilst I was being buffeted around at times, so long as I did not resist, I flowed. My emotions were being stirred and my physical body was being stirred... I was being asked to flow with the emotions, to notice them but not to hold onto them. I was being asked to let go of the physical tightness in my body without trying too hard. Let the emotions drift in and out. 

At times, there are stormy seas, and we are experiencing this deeply with the Referendum, not necessarily because of the result, but more so because of the unrest and hate and anger that it has incited. There is a push and a pull, at times it can be fierce and unyielding. Imagine how it would feel to observe. We will, of course, feel it at differing levels, yet without resistance to it, we have a chance to remain in connection with ourselves, with others and have a choice to keep flowing.

At others times, I felt a calm and a stillness in the dance aware that the sea can look incredibly calm at times. In these moments, we can feel grateful for the quiet, so that we can stop and listen more acutely - though I was also aware than even in stillness, we are always in motion, always in flow.

For in the stillness, the dance was still going on around me. I was a still part of the Universal dance but gave myself the chance to be more conscious of my body within it and my own internal processes. After I heard the result of the Referendum I remember walking outside in the early morning sunshine and feeling a stillness in the air around me. I also remembering musing that it would be timely for humanity to take a moment to "breathe" and to be still, to refrain from externalising all their feelings of anger, frustration, confusion. Tension begets tension. Anger begets anger. And sometimes these emotions need to be 'danced' but perhaps in a more conscious way?! 

As I gave myself permission to dance fully, I became more of the dancer I used to know. I remembered how it felt to move and to be the dancer of my own life and I began to play at 'performing' my dance. As I did this I was aware of my energy and how I could choose to contain it, whether fierce or gentle, around others. I did not need to interrupt their flow and their dance but I could still be amongst them, still show up and be 'seen'. I needed only my own validation.

Perhaps there is a message in here too for people at this time. I sense we need to come home to our own emotions, be still with them, let go of resistance and be acutely aware of the impact that we have upon others. Fuelling the fires of tension simply fan the flames until the fire has no choice other than to become ever more fierce and destructive. Do we really need to destroy in order to create anew?! 

Stillness is my power and my essence and I understood yesterday that sometimes to find that stillness we have to move, create, act. I would simply encourage people to come back to this place of stillness after so much frenetic activity to find and engage with their deeper truth and perhaps even, the deeper truth of the Universe.

My body was so grateful for the dance, the movement and my acknowledgement of it. I felt alive, sensuous, connected and fully present to my body and my sense of self. This is what this moment is calling for. My legs were playful, lighthearted, remembering the fun elements of life. Lets remember to play. My feet were grounded, present, aware of the ground and the underground, the network of life beneath my feet. There is so much in life to be in awe of, lets remember the simplicity of this at this time. 

A blog about dance perhaps. A blog about humanity at this time, perhaps. 
Find within it what you need to at this time. 

With love always
Nikola

Dear Daddy…… (and a line to the feminine to allow the masculine to support them)

Dear Daddy…
It was your arms that I wanted to lift me up and swing me around
It was you that I wanted to watch me when I did a twirl in the garden or fell to my knees on the gravel
It was your voice I wanted to hear when I wanted someone to be proud
It was you that I wanted to make me feel safe when the lights got turned out at night
Your little girl (aged 7)

Dear Daddy… 
It is still your arms that I want to feel hold me when I want to be that little girl
It is still you that I want to watch me as I dance my way through life and stumble and fall on my way
It is still your voice that I want to hear telling me how proud you are of me and what I have achieved
It is still you that I want to support me and make me feel safe as I embark on this new and exciting venture
Your little girl (aged 40)

It has been a profound and deeply awe filled and inspiring time in my life the past few weeks and months as I embark on a project that can only be described as 'divine'. This project is supporting my work and life in ways I could not have scripted (and I have a pretty vivid imagination). There will be much more to share on this in future blogs as it grows and unfolds organically and in balance with where I am in my own life.

In my last piece of writing, I shared my vision of how I always see the feminine being supported by the masculine. In the last week, with the help of a couple of 'Angels" it became very clear that I wanted and needed the support of my father. He has always been there for me. Maybe not in the way his little girl craves but he was always there in the way he knew how. I realised this week that I had shared nothing of my 'project' with him on the pretence that he would not understand. I have felt for a long time that he does not understand me, nor my life choices, and indeed have felt something of a disappointment to him. 

In order to work with women and teach about the masculine supporting the feminine, I realised that I had to heal this part of my own life and take responsibility for my feelings and thoughts around this and allow him to fully support me. 

And so I drove to Dorset today to have a conversation with a man who finds it hard to be open about his feelings or talk in a candid way. I drove to Dorset today to let my Daddy know that I have always known how much he loves and that I now need his support more than ever and that I want him to be proud of me and my choices and my achievements. 

It was a beautiful and simple conversation - all my perceptions of him needing to understand me and my work fell away. I talked openly about who I am and the work I am here to do and he understood in the only way that this 40 year old woman needed him to. With love and pride simply because I am his little girl. 

This conversation was incredibly important for me personally and my work but also will send ripple effects across consciousness. I am asking for the feminine to allow the masculine to support once more. For women to step into their grace and for men to step into their role as container for that grace. 

Truth has an incredible way of setting everyone free to be who they truly are whether there is common ground and understanding or not. 

I invite you to seek to have a conversation with someone that you may be keeping at arms length in your life and yet would love to have them closer.  This conversation might feel incredibly uncomfortable and yet you know will create a sense of freedom once it has been had and healing will inevitably take place. Then, you can once again take a step into the wholeness of you. 

With love always
Nikola xx

Don't hold on to why it had to end....

Sometimes magic is fleeting
So very real but momentary....
Don't hold onto why it had to end
Rather hold onto the beauty that it happened at all......

Empowering women and a (caveat to MEN)

Empowering women to empower the world..... (with the unfailing support of men)

The word empowerment is used a lot in coaching and personal development circles and for good reason. Interestingly the dictionary definition of empowerment only touches upon what I believe its true sense is. Empowerment, for me, is about guiding another person or even an organisation to take self responsibility and find the power within themselves to become the full and majestic version of themselves. Empowerment is not about making the changes or taking the steps for someone else. To be empowered is to know thyself intimately and deeply and to act and be from that place of true authenticity. 

Just as I cannot enforce change in another even if I believe it is for their own good, and I would not want to, neither can we enforce change upon the world. We can empower the world but we cannot and should not wish to control it in order to bring about that which we so strongly desire.

I had one such teacher very recently and here I am having walked through the door embracing the unknown. What this particular teacher guided me to was a crystal clear vision of what my mission and work looks like in this moment and that is about being a Teacher of Teachers. I am being asked to work with women. And I am being asked to work with women who know that their purpose in this moment is to work with other women. To bring women together in circle. To support women in becoming fully empowered. To embrace their grace and beauty fully. To create a ripple effect across the globe.

I am being called to support women into being the full expression of who they are and who they came here to be.... and my way is quietly and gracefully.

It feels important for me to say that my own personal belief is that women need to stop fighting like men in order to see and feel the changes they wish to see in themselves and the world around them. Yes - we have incredible strength and tenacity and courage and resilience. Yet, our most potent power and one that I believe effects greater change and at a much deeper level is that of our true feminine essence. Grace.





















Most of us will have seen the above quotes a number of times.... and I do believe that there is some truth to be gleaned - though I don't believe it is by becoming both the man and woman in the world - I believe it will be by surrendering our armour and being the full expression of ourselves as the gentle but strong, loving and compassionate beings we are at heart. We will nurture the world back to health and vitality.

And herein - the other crucial piece for me and the caveat to men. We will not do this alone. We are done with a world where men are in power and we are done with a world where women are fighting to take control and be in power. We are in a world where we need to work together. Nature and life can only exist in true balance.

Whenever I have a vision of women coming together in circles - there is always a ring of men around the outside supporting. I fundamentally believe that men provide the container for us to be able to be fully present to all that we are as women. I, for one, do not wish to travel alone as an empowered woman in my personal life - I want the strength of a man to hold me. In my work with women - I desire to work with those who are open to becoming so free in their expression of themselves that they can once again, allow a man to be fully present to them. 

This blog is a call to women everywhere who are ready to be the full expression of themselves... women who want to know their grace, their purity, their truth and their beauty intimately and who want to embody those traits in their daily lives and within their communities. Women who want to share their gifts and wise counsel with women everywhere..... 

I am bringing together two groups just before Christmas. Saturday 19th December in London and Sunday 20th December in Dorset. If you would like to be one of the seven women to join me for what promises to be a beauty full and profound day then please get in touch. 

In honour of women and men... and the world.... heed the call

With love and blessings, always
Nikola xx

Relationships... Relating... Connection.... shedding the old and diving deep into the mystery.

It's a rather grey and overcast day outside and so I find myself here feeling inspired to put pen to paper after some intriguing and poignant conversations over the last few days.

After watching Lee Harris's, November forecast talking about relationships and connections, I have been and am aware of the myriad of ways that this is showing up in my life and with those close to me. Conversations that are seeking some kind of understanding and perhaps even resolution. Conversations, where I can feel both people's vulnerability and strength in equal measure. I wanted to share my understanding and experience of what, I believe, we are being asked to look at in this regard.

Lee Harris - November Forecast

In my work of bringing people on a journey 'home' to themselves, I am increasingly aware that we are being asked to be the most authentic and true versions of ourselves that we can be. What do I mean by this? In simple terms, that we take time to check in with ourselves on a daily basis whether what we are doing and saying and 'being' is true to how we are feeling in that moment. When I suggest checking in on a daily basis, this is because I very recently had the experience of having an absolute 'truth' one day and being very amused that this truth had indeed shifted by the following day.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that the area where we are most deeply challenged and most deeply rewarded, in my humble opinion, is in the area of relationships. Here, I am talking about familial relationships, relationships with a lover or partner, relationships with friends and relationships with colleagues. In fact any connection that we make with another person can be both challenging and rewarding. 

As the trees are shedding their leaves in order for a hibernation and renewal to occur before the new buds and life of spring, so we are being asked to shed the old relationships that are no longer serving us. It runs a little deeper than this for me though, as this is not a new or radical concept. What I believe we are really being asked to do right now is to shed the behaviours around our relationships that no longer serve us. Many of these behaviours will have become so ingrained that we forget to check in with ourselves as to whether this is actually how we wish to be in relation to or in connection with another. 

We most likely 'know' instinctively that something needs to change but we find ourselves repeating the same patterns and one potential reason for this is that we don't know 'how' to do it differently. What if we are not meant to know and that what we are really being asked to do is to remain in a state of not knowing and ultimately 'trusting'? What if we are being asked to dare to 'do' something very different? What if we are being asked to truly come from a place of speaking and acting from the very 'heart' of who we are? No matter how that might impact on others around us. 

As we are finding 'new' ways to be and opening up to a potentially more direct and vulnerable way of communicating - it may not always be pretty. I share this as on a couple of occasions recently, I have found myself blurting out my 'truth' in a less than graceful way. Be gentle on your selves if this too is what you experience. There appears to be an energy that is supporting us to vocalise and if we have previously found this difficult, it may just need to come out and that is okay. Learning to walk as a child was not always without a few bumps and bruises and at times a little ungainly. What feels important right now is that we are not suppressing what we feel led to say to others. With practice we can refine it and say it with a little more grace and ease. 

When we vocalise and act upon that which is old and no longer serving us so we open the space for that which is new to arrive. 

It is natural for us as human beings to want to have some security or 'label' around what a new relationship might be. What if the connections and relationships that are available to us right now are meant to be shrouded in a little mystery to allow for a deeper, more fulfilling and more creative experience. It is possible that a deeper experience of ourselves and of the other person will occur simply because we have not put any constraints around what it is or what it is meant to be. When I speak of constraints, I am talking specifically around labelling the relationship as opposed to having boundaries. It feels even more important to be aware of healthy boundaries as we all navigate the energies of this present time. What I feel strongly though is that energies are supporting us to have more deeply connected, more conscious and more fulfilling relationships. Relationships that allow all of us to show up to.

The energies are supporting us at the moment to really shift the way we 'do' and 'are' in relationship to each other. This may mean that some tricky or difficult conversations need to be had in order to 'clear' the air or indeed clear space for new relationships to come in. Whilst we do what we have always done, we will indeed get what we have always got. So get candid with your self. What is it that you currently have in relationship to someone that you no longer want? Get candid with your self. What do you really desire and want to have in your life in relationship? What connections do you truly desire to have and to make? What needs to happen in order for that to be able to become manifest. How willing are you to get into your heart and speak openly and vulnerably about what is not working for you and what is working for you and what you want more of? Yes, we get to ask for that too.

November, feels to me, to be all about open, honest, direct communication delivered from a heartfelt and authentic place. 

Nature is not shy about death and rebirth. Nature knows that in order for new life, there needs to be some form of destruction..... a falling away. When we allow this to happen - we allow the mystery of new life and new form to take place.

And so I encourage you to have those conversations you 'know' you need or want to have. 

I encourage you to get very clear with your self on how you wish to relate to your self and to others. And for many of us this will be new territory as we shed old behaviours and patterns and open up to new ways of being with our selves and with others. 

And I encourage you to stay in the mystery of new relationships and connections.... let them evolve in a natural and exciting way... and most importantly be open to them happening and coming into your life...

And know, truly know that you are being supported in whatever choices you are making. 

With love and blessings, always
Nikola 

7.325 billion of us, unique aspects of the very same thing...

Are you Unique?! Yes, you are.
Are you Special?! Yes, you are.

Are you more unique than anyone else?! No, you are not.
Are you more special than anyone else?! No, you are not.

I've just spent the weekend sat with around twenty five deeply gifted, unique and very special individuals at a workshop with the force of nature that is Jennifer Hough. Had I gone out myself and hand picked the people to spend the weekend with, I would have chosen each individual that was present. It was a very emotive and empowering weekend. 

Now let me throw out there what is really important about this.... had I gone out on Saturday morning and walked around the Streets of London randomly selecting twenty five people to share that space with, they too would have been deeply gifted, unique and very special individuals. 

One of the phrases that Jennifer uses a lot is that we are all "pieces of the puzzle of heaven on earth" expressing that in our own individual and unique ways.

In communing with me during the weekend, Jennifer told us the story of a friend of hers who had received a reading some years previously that had royally f***ed him up. How you may ask? Well, he was told in this reading that he was, and I paraphrase, an incredibly special individual. That he had extraordinary talents. That he had the most unique gifts to share with the world that were going to make a difference to humanity as we know it.

As Jennifer was relating this story to us - I was aware just how ingrained this story had become in my own being. I had heard similar, on more than one occasion. And what do you think the effects of hearing such words were to me and to this man that Jennifer was referring to. 

paralysis

pəˈralɪsɪs/

noun

1. the loss of the ability to move (and sometimes to feel anything) in part or most of the body, typically as a result of illness, poison, or injury.

   "the fast-acting venom causes paralysis, breathing difficulties, and sometimes death"

   synonyms:

   immobility, powerlessness, lack of sensation, numbness, deadness, incapacity, debilitation; More

   • inability to act or function properly.

     "the paralysis gripping the country"

     synonyms:

     shutdown, immobilization, stoppage, halt, standstill, stopping "strike leaders claimed an almost complete paralysis of the ports"

Specifically for him and for me it had perpetuated an inability to move, to create, and indeed an inability to act or function properly in the world, as we desired to do. You see my ego had become so entangled in the labels of special and unique and gifted, that I had created a superiority complex about myself. Please don't misunderstand me - I don't show up as an arrogant or overly confident, bullish person (these traits are not necessarily negative). However, I created a sub persona of superiority, largely out of fear, so that I could judge myself so harshly on doing so that I would continue to not show up in the world. Isn't it amazing what language and the meaning that we give to it can do?!

With this realisation I also became aware that in my entanglement with judging myself, I was in a self perpetuating cycle of never being able to show up because I was always going to judge myself on thinking (albeit an ego concoction) that I was somehow better than the next person. And I was going to do everything in my power to prove that I was no more special than anyone else (this was the deeper truth that I held) by not doing anything. How has that worked out for me? Not so good in many ways. (Though I also do not like to judge anything as good or bad - rather that it is an experience to learn from). Trouble is the experiencing and learning had ceased because I was in paralysis.

So, who am I?! If I am not those things, then who am I? Well, you see - I am those things. I am unique, gifted, special. The absolutely critical piece is that I am no more unique, gifted or special than any other single human being alive on this planet. It took realising that I had created the egoic construct to stop me from showing up in the world to bust through it. What beliefs are you holding about your self that may seemingly be positive traits, that are in fact holding you back?

Let me take you back to Jennifer's words... we are all a piece of the puzzle of heaven on earth. We are all a piece of divine consciousness. And so each and every one of us no matter how we show up on this planet are deeply gifted, unique and special. There is the freedom of choice within us all as to how we manifest that in our lives. We have the choice to be a butcher, baker or candlestick maker.... an international speaker, hairdresser or county court judge. No one choice is any more valid than any other. No one role in life makes us any more 'special' than the next person. Whether we choose to use the innate gifts and talents that we have does not make us superior or inferior. It just is. For we do not stop being the 'pieces of the puzzle of heaven on earth'.

You are you and I am me.
No better, no worse.

So, what is this blog really about? I guess its about many things. Its about our use of language and being aware of the effects it can have on the self and others. Its about the constructs that we create around ourselves in order to be more or less than we are. It's about love in its truest sense.

Ultimately it is a very simple post suggesting that we are all, all 7.325 billion of us, unique aspects of the very same thing... 

With love and blessings,
Nikola xx

Come on a run with me….

This morning whilst writing my morning pages, I noticed the urge within my body to get out of the house and go for a run… I had a choice to finish my pages or get up and go. I have committed to 'myself' to engage in the morning pages practice again so I completed my three pages and headed out the door…. 

Making step by step choices
Almost immediately it became apparent that though my body was keen to get out for a run my energy levels were not at their peak for a long hill run. Again, I had a choice in the moment - to push on through and probably feel slightly vitriolic or listen to my energy speaking to me and engage in a slightly shorter run, knowing that I would not feel completely replete and would be able to focus on the other things I wanted to get done during the day. 

Is it time to push on through or stand still?
As I started running up the first hill, it struck me that just a couple of days previously I had made it up the incline with very little effort and had felt like a gazelle (well, almost) and yet today it was taking every piece of willpower to place one foot in front of the other. The ground felt more uneven, the brambles more unwilling to let me pass and my body definitely feeling heavier. So in these moments, do we push on through, do we stop. I don't necessarily think there is a right or wrong answer to this - whatever we do it will gift us something in terms of experience and learning. What I do think is important in these moments is that we listen to ourselves a little more intently and a little more keenly. It may just be that there is a voice calling to us to that we are not hearing because we are over riding it with our stubbornness and willpower and strength. I might just add that I have these traits in abundance and am not saying that they are not great traits of my personality - they serve me well. (Mostly)

I did push on up the hill without stopping and my mind felt great for it. The softer side of my being that wanted to stop and lie down in a nurturing and held fashion by the Universe was sitting on my shoulder giving me that, 'hmmm…..were you really listening to yourself look?'. I have promised her that I will do just this later on today and give her the space and stillness that she deserves. 

Are you listening and hearing?
The other piece that struck me whilst I was running, aside from the fact I seem to get a lot of insights whilst running… heck I hope that doesn't mean I have to do more of it… is that whilst we are listening intently we may not always be aware of all that is going on within our bodies. And when I refer to bodies here, I am talking about the physical body, but I am also talking about the mental, emotional and spiritual bodies too. Given that I was unable to run up the hill in a gazelle like fashion this morning, it got me to thinking that there was probably a deep processing that took place in my body or bodies yesterday that I was unaware of. It feels important to share at this juncture that there are a lot of energies at play out there in the Universe, perhaps more than ever before, as others are currently sharing. We are upgrading and transmuting energies and growing at a faster rate than ever before (perhaps). Our bodies are working hard for us a lot of the time with simple tasks such as digesting our food etc but they are also working tirelessly with us on our energetic journey through life.

Perhaps now is a time to honour our bodies and what they are doing for us more than ever before even if we can't put words to everything that is occurring, we can get closer to how we are feeling if we not only listen, but hear what is being shared with us.

What is your approach to others and where is your energy body?
Anyway, I was not home yet so there was more running to do and insights to glean. On the other side of the hill and on my way back down I run through a field of cows. I'm always caught between wondering who would win in a race across the field, though I am happy to report that I have not been chased by them to date. On my last venture I was clearly more scary than them and spooked a number of them into jumping the brook to the safety of the other side of the field. This morning I chose a different approach. Before entering the field I made sure that my energy body was firmly inside of myself and let the cows know energetically that I was simply going to bypass them without disturbing or upsetting them and imagined that I could run past like a gentle whisper. Well, it seemed to work… the cows remained unaffected by my presence and whilst a couple looked up, they seemed curious rather than frightened. 

Begs the question how we approach all others in our life - where are we placing our energy and our intentions… interesting and fun to play around with. We all have very different boundaries within each of our energy bodies and knowing where they are can be key in how we relate to others. It can also be fundamental in understanding why we may affect others and how they may affect us, especially unconsciously.

How hard are your bodies working to keep you in balance?
As I made my way down the hill, nearing the home straight, I could feel myself speeding up - partly out of gravity being on my side and partly out of wanting to run faster as my uphill had felt a little slow and cumbersome (though clearly full of insights) and yet the ground still had other ideas for me. It was particularly rocky and uneven on my descent and after a couple of stumbles and wobbly ankle moments, I reluctantly slowed down, for which my energy was grateful and so was my body. Sometimes in life we simply have to slow down to speed up. If we run too fast and headlong into something we may not see all that is under our feet and may miss some of the vital learning's along the way. In slowing down - I realised just how hard my core was working to keep me in balance. Great to know that my body was working with me - if I had overridden it, it may not have been able to continue supporting me and it may have resulted in a grazed knee or twisted ankle. How hard are the different parts of you working to keep you in balance? Give them a chance to look after you. Allow integration to take place. 

You'll be pleased to know that I did allow myself to speed up along the road so that I could get back and write to you…. 

Now I give myself permission to go and have a shower.

Whatever your form of running might be - allow the insights to flow today - you might just surprise yourself.

With love and blessings, 
Nikola x