From Pizza to Marriage in the blink of an eye.....

I was giggling to myself this morning as I noticed my mind wanting to do what it does so effortlessly.... and that is to create a story, a fantasy around something that I was desiring to happen.

In my experience (as a woman) we have this extraordinary capacity to create a whole living, breathing novel around what is taking place in our lives and what we (think) we desire to take place. One of the most amazing capacities that women have so naturally is an ability to web and weave the different strands of our lives. We can capture each emotion playing out in any different area and link them together. At times with great insight and wisdom and at other times.... we have created a very Dallas / Dynasty soap opera worthy of any television channel and likelihood is, it would make compelling watching and yet, is it real.

Ive written before about how necessary fantasy and dreaming and our imaginations are. Without my innate fortitude to dream up the fantastical, there are certain things in my life that may never have come to fruition. And as I have been noted to say more than once recently, if we can dream it up, imagine it, then it already exists and we have a choice as to whether that dream of the future becomes a piece of our current reality.

There is a whole other blog here about timelines and shifting timelines and our human experience being circular rather than linear.... literally meaning that the past, present, and future all exist in the now moment.


However, for now I want to stay with this idea of us creating a story. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with the creation of the story. To desire or to feel that you would like a particular outcome rests within the realms of setting intentions and being in the energy of what you would you like to manifest in your life.

Where we come unstuck and the web becomes something more akin to a tangled ball of string is when we don't express or communicate it and expect the other person to be on the same page of our ever expanding novel and to expect that person to also feel the same.

When we don't communicate it - we enter the realms of potentially and most likely being disappointed when it does not take place. It can then feed our insecurities and so on and so forth.

So, what is the alternative?!
An act of the utmost courage. And to be courageous means being utterly vulnerable.


When we dare to be vulnerable and share the dream of what we desire with another person, my experience recently is that it automatically dissipates the energy of the fantasy and I am no longer attached to whether it takes place or not. When we speak our truth and it is a truth of our heart in that moment, it can land and be received. The person then knows exactly what you are thinking and how you are feeling and can respond from their truth.

This morning whilst I was giggling to myself, upon sharing such a desire with someone, I realised that it created something even more expansive and a knowing that even if it did not happen in the way I visualised, two other choices became immediately apparent. The first and most important is that I was able to relax back into myself, knowing that I did not need anything from anyone else. I already had all that I needed within myself. The second was that it opened up a dialogue where it was possible to meet in the present moment and be with the truth of both person's involved. And in that moment, there is absolutely nowhere else I would rather have been because we were two people being utterly present to the 'being-ness' in each other.

My invitation to you, therefore, is this.... find the courage in your heart to keep on dreaming and visualising and imagining and then dare to be vulnerable and communicate it. You might just find that what you receive is greater than the dream itself.

With all of this playing out so beautifully this morning and leaving me with a smile both on my face and my heart, I wandered down to the beach to find a busker playing this song..... "Jessie - Joshua Kadison"

"Ill love you in the sunshine
Lay you down in the warm, white sand
And who knows maybe this time
This will turn out just the way you planned

Jessie paint your pictures
About how it's gonna be
By now I should know better
Your dreams are never free
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea
Oh Jessie you can always sell any dream to me"

Dare to dream but be very careful not to put a price on it for the cost will always be too dear.....

With love and blessings always
Nikki xxx

ps. I was not thinking about pizza or marriage, just for the record. 

What does it mean to choose YOU?!

Last week after a particular situation empowered me to really choose myself, I wrote the following post on Facebook.... 

"Who do you choose?!
Are you ready to choose you?!

This evening whilst in a deep reverie and dance, I stopped in front on the mirror and caught myself looking at myself in a new way. Intrigued by my hands, my face, my hair, the way I was moving....

A calm and yet powerful force of energy came over me....

The question that came.... "Who do you choose?!"
And the answer without faltering..... "I choose me"

Over and over and over.... despite the twists and turns of this human experience.....When you really choose you, life takes on a different hue... "

In the week following this post, I have been pondering and have been asking myself in the quiet moments, what does it really mean to choose yourself and actually how do we do it?!

I believe that we create what we need in life in order to experience ourselves at the deepest level, should we choose to do so. In order to choose me, I need to love me fully and without exception. Self love is no small task given there are so many factors that affect how we view ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. We are all aware of how our childhoods, social conditions and so on are a predeterminer to how we behave and act towards ourselves and others.

What I really want to focus on with this blog though is the internal balance that is shifting and aligning within myself to bring myself to that still point of choosing every aspect of myself.

I am incredibly lucky that I have a beautiful connection and relationship with my mother. However, what I am referring to here, is the mother inside of me. Much of this year has so far been about learning to really nurture and love myself no matter what. In all the moments when I felt I 'should' be doing more or doing something different or in a different way, I realise now that in order to quieten my inner critic and the self judgment, I needed to find my inner mother. The one who would love me unconditionally.

I needed to find the innate part of me that would love me no matter the choices I was making. The part of me that would hold my hand rather than leave me alone and afraid. I needed to gently soothe my wounds and put a pretty plaster on. I needed to be my own best friend and feel that I had someone holding me and watching over me so that I could surrender to a deeper place within myself. To a place where I could really receive and know that unconditional love intimately.

My oracle card yesterday morning was the above, "healing the divine masculine" and the inspiration for writing this blog. Recent interactions in my life have brought up (another layer) of one of my core wounds around the father / daughter dynamic. A dynamic that many of us know so well, of not feeling seen. Ive been able to attribute new words to that dynamic this week through my experience of not feeling chosen.

And so I take myself back to the girl in the mirror who saw herself and chose herself.... and I realise that in choosing myself fully and wholly.... I need to honour myself, the mother in me and also the father in me. This is a new concept for me and one that could radically change my relationship to myself and to men. Ive been questioning that if I am truly choosing me, then why is it still playing out in my life that perceptively a man may not be choosing me. If I am to be my own mother, then I also need to be my own father. An aspect that I have continuously sought to find externally in someone else. (Albeit unconsciously). To be my own father is to find the part of me that protects and honours me unconditionally. To be my own father is to know my own strength without power, control or aggression and to be discerning and a stabilising force in my own life.

To be my own father, actually allows the little girl to come out to play because she is being watched and looked after. Someone else is in charge of looking out for any danger. To be my own father, allows me to be the fullness of my femininity because I won't be judged for being too soft or too vulnerable. To father myself means that I get to take graceful steps and to really feel into something and to trust my intuition because someone else is taking ownership of logic and reason.

If I can do all of this for myself, then I am truly starting to choose ME fully and moreover, I am getting to be ME fully.

There is much about the balancing of the masculine and feminine both externally in the world and internally. These last couple of weeks have made me realise that perhaps it is helpful to recognise and be all of the aspects of the masculine and feminine in and of ourselves. That includes being our own father and mother.

What might it take for you to choose all of YOU?!

As ever, writing with curiosity....

With love and blessings
Nikki x

Essence of YOU - is your body ready?!

As a self-termed dreamer from a very young age and someone who has been more than happy to play in the etheric realms for much of my adult life, one aspect of human life has become abundantly clear to me in the last few months and especially weeks. If I choose to do anything that has a lasting impact in this lifetime or if I have any hope of making my business the success that I already know is possible, I have to be in my body. Actually, let's simplify it further, if I wish to experience real joy as a human being, I have to be in my body. 

My writing today was inspired after watching a video of Layla Martin.... I was mesmerised by how much she radiates.... her skin is clear, her eyes sparkle, she speaks with clarity and heart and she looks like she is having fun. One could argue that it is because she is working in the field of tantra, but it goes beyond that.... she fully inhabits her body. The light in her eyes and the clarity of her skin (which may also be good genes) is because she is in touch with her essence and it literally glows from the inside of her to the outside of her. She is not just comfortable in her skin, she has found her unique essence and is living it and breathing it and being it.

If you have read my blog before, you will know that I have used running for a long time as a form of meditation and of getting into my body. I also used it as a form of self punishment. Its hard to admit to yourself, let alone anyone else that you run because it allows you to feel less guilty about eating. Its hard to admit that every meal became about thinking about the next run so that I could burn it off. On the outside I was happy because I enjoyed being fit and how it made my body look but on the inside I was punishing myself each and every day. It has served a very genuine purpose though.

That is, up until Christmas this year when I started experiencing really bad migraines again, each and every time I ran or did any form of exercise. I was forced to stop and take a look at what was going on. Luckily I saw a fantastic acupuncturist in Brighton who took me on an inward journey to look at my childhood and the reasons the migraines began in the first place. Since then I have had to be very, very still and listen ever deeper to the messages that my body has been desperately trying to give me for some time. 

If anyone saw a video I recently posted as a testimonial for Michelle Roberton after a gentle Tantra session with her they will know that I am realising that it is absolutely key for me to honour and cherish every single part of my body. I have been operating from my heart for a while... isn't that what we are told to do?! What I was not doing was also coming from my sacral centre, from my sexual centre..... the seat of my creativity. I noticed after just one session with Michelle just how much more grounded I was. My expressions and communication from my heart were less emotional and stronger. The compassion and sentiment remains the same but I was rooted in a much deeper wisdom and power. 

And so I am finally relenting that I cannot operate from the top half of my body alone. I know that this is not news, but I also know that there are still many women who are not fully embodied. There are a myriad of reasons for this and each one of us has our own unique story around why we have shut down parts of our body. For some they may be in the sexual centres but unable to communicate through the heart. What I do know with absolute certainty is that to live a full and joyful life, to allow the fullness of our essence and the fullness of our expression to show up... we have to be fully in our bodies. It is always a choice but it is a choice that I am now consciously making. 

This goes beyond the healthy food we eat, or the exercise we take..... being mindful of when we use these to stay out of our bodies is absolutely key. This is not about following someone else's routine or regime. This is about getting up close and personal with your own  body and your own experience of life. For it is right there that all the signs are pointing to what it is they really need you to hear and to know for you, in this moment. 

It is clear to me from the experience I have had this winter of needing to go deeper than ever before and from needing to be more still than I ever have been in my life, that there are some real gems for us, if we dare to listen. I simply cannot and choose not to be anywhere other than in my body and that means doing the work, choosing to stay very present to myself and my needs right now. There are parts of my body that need to be reclaimed. In order for my body to be the temple it knows itself to be, I have to honour and respect it as such and that means touching on some painful memories and experiences and working through them. 

Right now I am choosing to work through them in the dance where I move, I cry, I shift energy around and I witness. I am choosing to write. I am choosing to gift myself real time with myself that might involve slowing applying coconut oil to my body as though my body were the most precious thing on earth. (Goodness knows Ive spent years slapping it on thinking I was being good to my skin).... For your body is the most precious thing on earth. Without it, you would not be here... at least not in human form. 

If you desire to live life to the fullest and with the fullness of your essence and your soul housed within your temple, then you have to make it a vessel that feels safe for your soul to reside in.... 

Running, yoga, meditation, journalling, dancing, healthy eating are not on their own enough.... dare to go deeper to meet the true essence of who you are. Dare to love your body in its wholeness and fullness and be ready to be fully embodied. There is no quick fix but when we truly start listening the answers come effortlessly and easily.

Im looking forward to being that fully embodied vessel so that I can allow myself to receive life fully, to receive all the abundance that life is so desiring to give me.... to live so utterly from a place of love and joy. 

With love and blessings, always

Nikki xx

Your Heart is calling you Home.....

I am sitting here teetering on the edge of the most exquisite joy and the deepest surrender to that which is the reality of the current moment. All is so inextricably and deliriously linked. There is a light that pierces even the cloudiest of days that is calling my name and I am standing upon the shadows of past choices, past patterns, imprints... it matters not what I call it. 

Over the past few days and in having the most beautiful communication with people I recognise, witness and honour that many of us are currently playing the game of life to the very best of our ability. That manifests as moments of pure bliss and divine connection and moments of pain, discomfort and heady confusion. 

I made a heartfelt promise to share the building of my business, which is not just the building of my business, but the outpouring of my heart and soul. My business is both separate from me and it is me. I promised to share as it felt so incredibly important to be real. We are all the most potent and powerful light and for now we continue to cast shadows over ourselves in order to support us in remembering the depth of our love and the divinity of our light. 

Whilst writing this, I have a candle burning and a song in my heart that is so vast, so wide, so beautiful and so bright that I allow myself to feel into it so that I may immerse myself in gratitude and awe. In these moments I allow myself to surrender and to feel the support of the Universe for I know not, in my head, how to travel forwards... 

It has been in the witnessing of other people's hearts and their light and joy and the knowledge that they are here to serve but not necessarily knowing how, that I simply feel compelled to say that we are not alone. 

By sharing my current reality I sincerely hope that I give others the opportunity to speak up, to ask for help and guidance and ultimately to know that the divine spark and light they feel in themselves is their inner compass. Please don't ignore it any longer.... please let your heart speak to you, know your beauty and bring it forth in whatever way feels possible right now. Be gentle and listen to the joy in your heart. And if the question of what do you love brings up resistance, go out into nature and let her show you beauty in its simplest and most extraordinary form. 

There is no right or wrong way.... there is YOUR way and that is perfect for you. Don't let others write the script for your life. Even if the script is not fully formed in your vision, simply begin. 

I shared in my last blog that I was not entirely where I wanted to be with the business at this juncture and yet it was all perfect. The lessons, the inner work that desired to be carried out and was indeed necessary, have all been a part of taking steps forward. 
I sit here now with eighteen bottles of "Healing Caress" - the first essence in the collection of ten wondering how she will travel out into the world. I can feel the energy, the purity, the love that each one holds simply desiring to connect with its recipient. Their creation has been blessed at every step. 

The reality of my moment is that I am creating and being from and in my heart. There is no money in my bank account and I cannot (in this moment) be in fear of that for I am following my heart, my joy, my bliss in bringing these essences out into the world and in writing to you, whoever you may be. Please also know that in following my heart, I am also at odds with the fact that my head wanted to have the most beautiful website and branding and packaging to release these out into the world. That has simply not been possible so far. Yet the beauty of what has been created remains. 

You are the beauty of your heart. It matters not how it looks or how it is packaged simply that you share your heart and the song within it. 

The desire to reach out, to touch and to light the way for others has never been stronger and I know so, so, so many people who are feeling this way. From my heart to yours, listen to the song in your heart for it desires so much to be heard. It lifts others, it inspires others. Humanity needs you. Nature needs you. The children need you. Women need you. Men need you. Whoever your audience is, they need you. Please do not doubt that what you have to say and to share is not valid or worthy. There is always someone who needs to hear your voice, to feel your heart, to receive your arms in a hug. Your wisdom is the wisdom of your years and it will support someone and by default the circle of ripples will effect more than you can imagine. 

And in the honouring of my heart and creation, if anyone would like to buy a bottle of Healing Caress or a sample then please be in touch. She may well be just what you need to support you at this time. Like life she will catalyse and support you in the most honouring of ways. 

Take time to be still, to listen and to receive..... your heart is calling you home.

With love and blessings, always
Nikki xx

Not where you hoped you would be?! What if you are exactly where you need to be?!

Is it me or are we still on a rollercoaster of thrills and spills...

It's coming up to one year on since I was divinely guided to create a foundation and framework for my lifetime's work to come through. 
November 2015, I channelled 8 intentions that were to be created into natural perfumes based upon plant essential oils. Little did I know where I would be this time one year on.

I've flowed with my life in ways that I've never experienced before. I've faltered countless times. I've enjoyed synchronicities beyond my wildest imaginings. I've come up against stumbling blocks that felt insurmountable at times and yet my mission lodged so firmly in my heart, remained true. 

As I write I am reminded of how I felt all those months ago - that I knew without a doubt, that I was being asked to create and bring through that which has the potential to raise global awareness, that which has the potential to reconnect millions to their truth and ultimately to remember the fullness of the essence of who they are at their very core. 

Having such a mission does not come without questions and doubts. This year has been a year of deep and persistent and indeed insistent, inner work. It has been a year of realising that in order to create a sustainable global business, the foundations have to be deep. The foundations have to be strong. 

So, what is the purpose of this blog. It is an opportunity for me to stand still and take stock of all that has been accomplished. I'm not where I wanted to be. I wanted to launch the business with bells and whistles by the end of this year. Where I am, however, is exactly where I need to be. 

The impulse to write, therefore, is also about encouraging those who may be on a similar path, who had hoped to be further forward in their endeavours, who may have hoped to be reaping the rewards of their mission and service to humanity, to stop, take stock and to be grateful for all of the things that have taken place this year. For there will be countless moments and conversations and people to be grateful for. 

I set out to build a business created from the heart with purity and integrity at its very core and I have achieved that. It may not yet look as I had wished it too one year on but it feels exactly the way that I want it to. It is full of heart and expression, innocence and grace. And it will continue to grow in this way. 

I often refer to the way that a diamond comes into being and true clarity and brilliance comes from the depths and is formed out of pressure. Building a business, in my humble experience, is no different. At least a business that is strong, full of light and unmistakable. 

In a previous blog I recall saying that I wished the building of this business to be as much an inspiration to others as the actual business itself. I realise that for me I am inspired most by people who are real about where they are at. Real does not mean getting down and dirty and intimate with the story but with being honest and open about the challenges as much as the pitfalls. Do we not learn more this way? Do we not feel more akin to others? Do we feel less alone? It feels far more important to me to share my frustrations and enquiries than simply showing the shiny final product. 

Life is messy. Creating a heart centred business and mission is messy. Emotions and self worth come into play. Lord knows, planetary alignments and energies have played their part too this year. There is much that is taking place, both that we are aware of on a global scale, and that which goes unseen but perhaps felt on a multi dimensional level. I have never pretended to have all the answers or to understand everything that is playing out but what I do have is integrity and trust and an unquenchable thirst to learn, to grow, to thrive and to serve. 

And this blog is my way of continuing that service even though I am not exactly where I wanted to be right now. So, I say to you (as much as to myself).... 

Take time to honour you right where you are.

Take time to look back over the last year and look at the learnings and the gifts.

Place your hand on your heart and know that you are doing the very best you can with the knowledge that you have at your disposal.

You are a beautiful and divine being whose heart can move mountains, it may just take a little time and that's okay. In fact, its more than okay... its all in perfect and divine order. 

Take a look in the mirror and say to yourself with heartfelt honesty.... "You Got This".

And please, please, please keep trusting. 

And don't forget to ask for help once in a while!!

If you do this, your heart will guide you. That I know.

With love and blessings, always

Nikki x

What are you holding in your Heart, that wishes to be expressed?!

Dance like noone is watching.....
Trouble is, all I wanted as a child was for someone to watch me.

What one thing would you love to do that you are not doing or have not given yourself permission to do - maybe for years?!
What one thing would you simply love to do but it scares you?!
What one thing would give you so much joy, even if in private, and yet you don't allow yourself because it has been locked away?!

As a child out of the womb through to 11 years of age I danced, every possible dance you could think of..... ballet, latin, tap, ballroom, rock.... I wanted to perform, to be on stage, to be 'seen'... 

I locked it away for 30 years. 

Part of the journey of building this business is that I have been asked to fully get into my body.... to move, to work with it.... to dance with it. Ive been asked to be fully present here on the earth plane. And so I've given myself permission to dance again. Tonight I danced for an hour in my living room, in private, to Country Music. Yes, I gave myself permission to dance to the music my heart craves..... my body, my heart, my mind, my soul so grateful. 

Every part of our lives impacts every other part of our life. My business is asking me to respect and own my body. I can't build it without doing so..... surprises at every corner and not always easy. In fact this was deeply uncomfortable when I began a few weeks ago and now Im craving more. 

Listen. Act. Breathe. Trust...... Grace.

The Art of Heart in Business.......

I sat with a male friend yesterday exploring business plans and structures. I specify that it was a male friend, simply because I knew that I wanted a more logical brain to help push my boundaries.

One of the things that I have become increasingly aware of as I explore creating Infinite Essence is that I am building this business within a new paradigm. I am one of many women who realise that they cannot create using masculine principles or energy. This may seem obvious. We are not men. And yet, we have been trying to build business from this place for a long time, with varying degrees of success. 

Whilst my business has a particular focus, it also became self evident yesterday that one of the other extremely important pieces of this puzzle, is that I desire strongly to inspire other women to know and to trust that they can build their business from the space of their Heart too. 

On one level, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I have never done this before. On another level, I know with absolute certainty what I am doing because I am tapping into my own innate wisdom and intuition. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Building a business from the heart means building a business from the feminine essence of grace and from ebbing and flowing with our natural selves.
I'm in the flow. 
And being in the flow means that I am being challenged and pushed to the core of my inner knowing on an almost daily basis. However, being in the flow means that I am also trusting beyond what I considered to be the limits of my own ability to 'trust'. In these moments, I find the heart and the voice of the business that wishes to be born. 

As I sit here writing this, I can feel the emotions rising - the clarion call of asking you to trust more than ever before in what it is that you are wishing to create and to bring forth into the world. 

When we create from the heart, the vision becomes clearer.

When we ask questions from the heart, the signposts are ever more obvious.

When you build a business from this place you are not alone. And yes, I am referring to the wealth of support that comes from the Universe in its many different guises but more than that, I am talking about the support that comes from people around you. Since the conception of Infinite Essence and its gentle birthing, more and more people are coming into my life supporting me and co-creating with me to make this a reality. When you are in your heart, people simply feel and understand what you are doing. They may not be fully aligned with your vision or even the particular business you are designing and manifesting, and that is okay but they "get" it. This is because you are vibrating at the level of your heart.

And so I will continue to create this business of mine from this place and share the journey with you. It is a journey of discovery, of remembering, of deep inner knowing and trust. And in those moments, when I think I have everything covered, I push myself a little deeper. I listen to the voices of those around me suggesting that I need a Business Structure and a Business Plan and I explore those areas with heart and an openness. If my heart responds willingly and feels expansive then I will continue. If it feels constrictive and not aligned then I will graciously say thank you and let them know that it simply won't work for me doing it that way. A caveat to this is that it is important to explore and push your boundaries as I did yesterday to know ever more deeply and intimately what it is that YOUR heart wishes to share with the world and how YOUR heart wishes to create it.

Until the next time..... 

With love always,

Nikola 

DRIFT.... the Dance and the art of Flow following the Referendum

Sunday morning, I was taken to a Movement Medicine class by my dear friend Sophie. There has been much resistance in me to dance again as an adult. I always knew myself as a dancer when I was growing up.... and then I stopped. 

There are many reasons for this but suffice to say that going along to this class felt timely and necessary and a beautiful gift to my body and, therefore, there was resistance. The irony of resisting that which is good for us. Or perhaps the knowledge runs deeper, we know that it is going to open up a part of ourselves that we may, or may not be ready to come face to face with. 

The space and dance was held beautifully by Sjanie in Worthing.

We began the dance by choosing a power card..... "DRIFT"

I was somewhat curious about this card and this was not a word or a sentiment that I use or have come across very often. My initial thought process took me to driftwood, something that my Nana used frequently in her flower arranging. It also had initial negative connotations. Being a drifter feels without direction and certainly without action. Perhaps it was time to understand that drifting can indeed be a powerful action. This was not for me to think through - I was to here to dance and to embody, 'Drift'. The dance was there to take me on the journey into what Drift would mean for me.

As the dance unfolded over the course of the two hours - it became very clear and the reason for sharing it in a blog is that it feels aligned with what is happening externally in the world right now with the impact of the Referendum on our states of equilibrium.

As I began to dance I was immediately taken out to the ocean and found myself imagining that I was riding the crest of the wave... how would it feel to be that wave?! What I realised through the dance is that sometimes we have to go right out to sea, to the very depths of the ocean to begin to truly know something, to see something or to feel something. At other times we are in the shallower waters, and it is necessary for us to see the more minute detail and to feel the stones beneath us. 

To DRIFT with the tidal waves was to allow the water to hold me and whilst I was being buffeted around at times, so long as I did not resist, I flowed. My emotions were being stirred and my physical body was being stirred... I was being asked to flow with the emotions, to notice them but not to hold onto them. I was being asked to let go of the physical tightness in my body without trying too hard. Let the emotions drift in and out. 

At times, there are stormy seas, and we are experiencing this deeply with the Referendum, not necessarily because of the result, but more so because of the unrest and hate and anger that it has incited. There is a push and a pull, at times it can be fierce and unyielding. Imagine how it would feel to observe. We will, of course, feel it at differing levels, yet without resistance to it, we have a chance to remain in connection with ourselves, with others and have a choice to keep flowing.

At others times, I felt a calm and a stillness in the dance aware that the sea can look incredibly calm at times. In these moments, we can feel grateful for the quiet, so that we can stop and listen more acutely - though I was also aware than even in stillness, we are always in motion, always in flow.

For in the stillness, the dance was still going on around me. I was a still part of the Universal dance but gave myself the chance to be more conscious of my body within it and my own internal processes. After I heard the result of the Referendum I remember walking outside in the early morning sunshine and feeling a stillness in the air around me. I also remembering musing that it would be timely for humanity to take a moment to "breathe" and to be still, to refrain from externalising all their feelings of anger, frustration, confusion. Tension begets tension. Anger begets anger. And sometimes these emotions need to be 'danced' but perhaps in a more conscious way?! 

As I gave myself permission to dance fully, I became more of the dancer I used to know. I remembered how it felt to move and to be the dancer of my own life and I began to play at 'performing' my dance. As I did this I was aware of my energy and how I could choose to contain it, whether fierce or gentle, around others. I did not need to interrupt their flow and their dance but I could still be amongst them, still show up and be 'seen'. I needed only my own validation.

Perhaps there is a message in here too for people at this time. I sense we need to come home to our own emotions, be still with them, let go of resistance and be acutely aware of the impact that we have upon others. Fuelling the fires of tension simply fan the flames until the fire has no choice other than to become ever more fierce and destructive. Do we really need to destroy in order to create anew?! 

Stillness is my power and my essence and I understood yesterday that sometimes to find that stillness we have to move, create, act. I would simply encourage people to come back to this place of stillness after so much frenetic activity to find and engage with their deeper truth and perhaps even, the deeper truth of the Universe.

My body was so grateful for the dance, the movement and my acknowledgement of it. I felt alive, sensuous, connected and fully present to my body and my sense of self. This is what this moment is calling for. My legs were playful, lighthearted, remembering the fun elements of life. Lets remember to play. My feet were grounded, present, aware of the ground and the underground, the network of life beneath my feet. There is so much in life to be in awe of, lets remember the simplicity of this at this time. 

A blog about dance perhaps. A blog about humanity at this time, perhaps. 
Find within it what you need to at this time. 

With love always
Nikola

Dear Daddy…… (and a line to the feminine to allow the masculine to support them)

Dear Daddy…
It was your arms that I wanted to lift me up and swing me around
It was you that I wanted to watch me when I did a twirl in the garden or fell to my knees on the gravel
It was your voice I wanted to hear when I wanted someone to be proud
It was you that I wanted to make me feel safe when the lights got turned out at night
Your little girl (aged 7)

Dear Daddy… 
It is still your arms that I want to feel hold me when I want to be that little girl
It is still you that I want to watch me as I dance my way through life and stumble and fall on my way
It is still your voice that I want to hear telling me how proud you are of me and what I have achieved
It is still you that I want to support me and make me feel safe as I embark on this new and exciting venture
Your little girl (aged 40)

It has been a profound and deeply awe filled and inspiring time in my life the past few weeks and months as I embark on a project that can only be described as 'divine'. This project is supporting my work and life in ways I could not have scripted (and I have a pretty vivid imagination). There will be much more to share on this in future blogs as it grows and unfolds organically and in balance with where I am in my own life.

In my last piece of writing, I shared my vision of how I always see the feminine being supported by the masculine. In the last week, with the help of a couple of 'Angels" it became very clear that I wanted and needed the support of my father. He has always been there for me. Maybe not in the way his little girl craves but he was always there in the way he knew how. I realised this week that I had shared nothing of my 'project' with him on the pretence that he would not understand. I have felt for a long time that he does not understand me, nor my life choices, and indeed have felt something of a disappointment to him. 

In order to work with women and teach about the masculine supporting the feminine, I realised that I had to heal this part of my own life and take responsibility for my feelings and thoughts around this and allow him to fully support me. 

And so I drove to Dorset today to have a conversation with a man who finds it hard to be open about his feelings or talk in a candid way. I drove to Dorset today to let my Daddy know that I have always known how much he loves and that I now need his support more than ever and that I want him to be proud of me and my choices and my achievements. 

It was a beautiful and simple conversation - all my perceptions of him needing to understand me and my work fell away. I talked openly about who I am and the work I am here to do and he understood in the only way that this 40 year old woman needed him to. With love and pride simply because I am his little girl. 

This conversation was incredibly important for me personally and my work but also will send ripple effects across consciousness. I am asking for the feminine to allow the masculine to support once more. For women to step into their grace and for men to step into their role as container for that grace. 

Truth has an incredible way of setting everyone free to be who they truly are whether there is common ground and understanding or not. 

I invite you to seek to have a conversation with someone that you may be keeping at arms length in your life and yet would love to have them closer.  This conversation might feel incredibly uncomfortable and yet you know will create a sense of freedom once it has been had and healing will inevitably take place. Then, you can once again take a step into the wholeness of you. 

With love always
Nikola xx

Don't hold on to why it had to end....

Sometimes magic is fleeting
So very real but momentary....
Don't hold onto why it had to end
Rather hold onto the beauty that it happened at all......

Empowering women and a (caveat to MEN)

Empowering women to empower the world..... (with the unfailing support of men)

The word empowerment is used a lot in coaching and personal development circles and for good reason. Interestingly the dictionary definition of empowerment only touches upon what I believe its true sense is. Empowerment, for me, is about guiding another person or even an organisation to take self responsibility and find the power within themselves to become the full and majestic version of themselves. Empowerment is not about making the changes or taking the steps for someone else. To be empowered is to know thyself intimately and deeply and to act and be from that place of true authenticity. 

Just as I cannot enforce change in another even if I believe it is for their own good, and I would not want to, neither can we enforce change upon the world. We can empower the world but we cannot and should not wish to control it in order to bring about that which we so strongly desire.

I had one such teacher very recently and here I am having walked through the door embracing the unknown. What this particular teacher guided me to was a crystal clear vision of what my mission and work looks like in this moment and that is about being a Teacher of Teachers. I am being asked to work with women. And I am being asked to work with women who know that their purpose in this moment is to work with other women. To bring women together in circle. To support women in becoming fully empowered. To embrace their grace and beauty fully. To create a ripple effect across the globe.

I am being called to support women into being the full expression of who they are and who they came here to be.... and my way is quietly and gracefully.

It feels important for me to say that my own personal belief is that women need to stop fighting like men in order to see and feel the changes they wish to see in themselves and the world around them. Yes - we have incredible strength and tenacity and courage and resilience. Yet, our most potent power and one that I believe effects greater change and at a much deeper level is that of our true feminine essence. Grace.





















Most of us will have seen the above quotes a number of times.... and I do believe that there is some truth to be gleaned - though I don't believe it is by becoming both the man and woman in the world - I believe it will be by surrendering our armour and being the full expression of ourselves as the gentle but strong, loving and compassionate beings we are at heart. We will nurture the world back to health and vitality.

And herein - the other crucial piece for me and the caveat to men. We will not do this alone. We are done with a world where men are in power and we are done with a world where women are fighting to take control and be in power. We are in a world where we need to work together. Nature and life can only exist in true balance.

Whenever I have a vision of women coming together in circles - there is always a ring of men around the outside supporting. I fundamentally believe that men provide the container for us to be able to be fully present to all that we are as women. I, for one, do not wish to travel alone as an empowered woman in my personal life - I want the strength of a man to hold me. In my work with women - I desire to work with those who are open to becoming so free in their expression of themselves that they can once again, allow a man to be fully present to them. 

This blog is a call to women everywhere who are ready to be the full expression of themselves... women who want to know their grace, their purity, their truth and their beauty intimately and who want to embody those traits in their daily lives and within their communities. Women who want to share their gifts and wise counsel with women everywhere..... 

I am bringing together two groups just before Christmas. Saturday 19th December in London and Sunday 20th December in Dorset. If you would like to be one of the seven women to join me for what promises to be a beauty full and profound day then please get in touch. 

In honour of women and men... and the world.... heed the call

With love and blessings, always
Nikola xx

Relationships... Relating... Connection.... shedding the old and diving deep into the mystery.

It's a rather grey and overcast day outside and so I find myself here feeling inspired to put pen to paper after some intriguing and poignant conversations over the last few days.

After watching Lee Harris's, November forecast talking about relationships and connections, I have been and am aware of the myriad of ways that this is showing up in my life and with those close to me. Conversations that are seeking some kind of understanding and perhaps even resolution. Conversations, where I can feel both people's vulnerability and strength in equal measure. I wanted to share my understanding and experience of what, I believe, we are being asked to look at in this regard.

Lee Harris - November Forecast

In my work of bringing people on a journey 'home' to themselves, I am increasingly aware that we are being asked to be the most authentic and true versions of ourselves that we can be. What do I mean by this? In simple terms, that we take time to check in with ourselves on a daily basis whether what we are doing and saying and 'being' is true to how we are feeling in that moment. When I suggest checking in on a daily basis, this is because I very recently had the experience of having an absolute 'truth' one day and being very amused that this truth had indeed shifted by the following day.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that the area where we are most deeply challenged and most deeply rewarded, in my humble opinion, is in the area of relationships. Here, I am talking about familial relationships, relationships with a lover or partner, relationships with friends and relationships with colleagues. In fact any connection that we make with another person can be both challenging and rewarding. 

As the trees are shedding their leaves in order for a hibernation and renewal to occur before the new buds and life of spring, so we are being asked to shed the old relationships that are no longer serving us. It runs a little deeper than this for me though, as this is not a new or radical concept. What I believe we are really being asked to do right now is to shed the behaviours around our relationships that no longer serve us. Many of these behaviours will have become so ingrained that we forget to check in with ourselves as to whether this is actually how we wish to be in relation to or in connection with another. 

We most likely 'know' instinctively that something needs to change but we find ourselves repeating the same patterns and one potential reason for this is that we don't know 'how' to do it differently. What if we are not meant to know and that what we are really being asked to do is to remain in a state of not knowing and ultimately 'trusting'? What if we are being asked to dare to 'do' something very different? What if we are being asked to truly come from a place of speaking and acting from the very 'heart' of who we are? No matter how that might impact on others around us. 

As we are finding 'new' ways to be and opening up to a potentially more direct and vulnerable way of communicating - it may not always be pretty. I share this as on a couple of occasions recently, I have found myself blurting out my 'truth' in a less than graceful way. Be gentle on your selves if this too is what you experience. There appears to be an energy that is supporting us to vocalise and if we have previously found this difficult, it may just need to come out and that is okay. Learning to walk as a child was not always without a few bumps and bruises and at times a little ungainly. What feels important right now is that we are not suppressing what we feel led to say to others. With practice we can refine it and say it with a little more grace and ease. 

When we vocalise and act upon that which is old and no longer serving us so we open the space for that which is new to arrive. 

It is natural for us as human beings to want to have some security or 'label' around what a new relationship might be. What if the connections and relationships that are available to us right now are meant to be shrouded in a little mystery to allow for a deeper, more fulfilling and more creative experience. It is possible that a deeper experience of ourselves and of the other person will occur simply because we have not put any constraints around what it is or what it is meant to be. When I speak of constraints, I am talking specifically around labelling the relationship as opposed to having boundaries. It feels even more important to be aware of healthy boundaries as we all navigate the energies of this present time. What I feel strongly though is that energies are supporting us to have more deeply connected, more conscious and more fulfilling relationships. Relationships that allow all of us to show up to.

The energies are supporting us at the moment to really shift the way we 'do' and 'are' in relationship to each other. This may mean that some tricky or difficult conversations need to be had in order to 'clear' the air or indeed clear space for new relationships to come in. Whilst we do what we have always done, we will indeed get what we have always got. So get candid with your self. What is it that you currently have in relationship to someone that you no longer want? Get candid with your self. What do you really desire and want to have in your life in relationship? What connections do you truly desire to have and to make? What needs to happen in order for that to be able to become manifest. How willing are you to get into your heart and speak openly and vulnerably about what is not working for you and what is working for you and what you want more of? Yes, we get to ask for that too.

November, feels to me, to be all about open, honest, direct communication delivered from a heartfelt and authentic place. 

Nature is not shy about death and rebirth. Nature knows that in order for new life, there needs to be some form of destruction..... a falling away. When we allow this to happen - we allow the mystery of new life and new form to take place.

And so I encourage you to have those conversations you 'know' you need or want to have. 

I encourage you to get very clear with your self on how you wish to relate to your self and to others. And for many of us this will be new territory as we shed old behaviours and patterns and open up to new ways of being with our selves and with others. 

And I encourage you to stay in the mystery of new relationships and connections.... let them evolve in a natural and exciting way... and most importantly be open to them happening and coming into your life...

And know, truly know that you are being supported in whatever choices you are making. 

With love and blessings, always
Nikola