You may be familiar with either the book or the term, "tipping point" or even both. It generally refers to a point when the balance of something is tipped so far one way, that there is no returning to the point where you started from. At least this is my take on it.
My tipping point in relation to depression came about two years ago... it was February 2009. In an emotional exchange with my partner, at the time, he turned to face me in the car and quite simply said, "I cannot be with someone who is depressed." It was at that point that it really hit home... living under the shadow of depression, of constant negativity, was not sustainable anymore. In many ways I was quite angry with him at the time. What right did he have to attach that label to me. However, I am in essence very grateful. He reflected back to me how I felt about myself. I could no longer live with myself feeling the way that I did. And if I could not live with myself, I was not loving myself and if I was not loving myself then I was not going to be able to love another or allow them to love me. If I was not loving myself, I was not loving the world around me. With no love, what point is there?!
That tipping point came after almost a lifetime of soul searching and trying all manner of different things to lift myself. I fundamentally believed for many, many years that If were to find my purpose in life, to feel passionate about work, that this would somehow alter how I was feeling. Repetitive patterns of behaviour ensued. Attending courses, reading books, training. All of these things have broadened my knowledge, my depth of understanding, my skillset and many eureka moments have occurred along the way but ultimately I still felt the same.
I have known for far too long how it is to feel heavy in every cell of my body. To feel consumed by negative energy. I don't believe for one minute that I am a "negative person". In fact, quite the opposite. Therefore, not to be able to live accordingly is at the very least, frustrating. At worst, life stops being worth living.
However, the fundamental issue remained... If I could not feel true love and joy within and outside of myself.... everything else was immaterial. No-one can teach you how to feel joy. You have to experience it in every cell of your body. No-one can teach you how to see the world through love.... you have to experience it in every cell of your body.
And this is where I started to see a glimmer of recognition. An intuitive understanding started to emerge. If I needed to experience these emotions in every cell of my body, then I needed to change my cells. If I want to feel love and joy then my whole being needs to be able to support those feelings. I finally began to see that what I was missing was far deeper than the soul searching and looking inward that I had already done. Far deeper but actually far simpler to understand than I had ever dreamed of.
When was your tipping point?! What has happened since then... have you reached your tipping point?! Are you ready to truly move on? Spend some time reflecting. Recognising those moments, creating those moments are key to you knowing that you are ready to change the balance in your life, for good.
Next time..... where science meets nature and intuition....
With love and light
Nikola xx
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